Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys
Okay, sports fans, the season’s first preseason game is here and I’m settled in the couch. The game started an hour ago but I’ve TIVO’d it so I can skip commercials.
My work colleague Anthony Mariani thinks it’s a sin to TIVO a sports game – everything must be watched in real time so that you are part of a universal collective of humanity cheering as one for the home team. I think he did too many drugs as a kid.
Felix Jones touches the ball, scampers like the ghost of Tony D, and makes me immediately start thinking about planning a Super Bowl party.
The first team offense looks ragged but “win” their portion of the game 7-3. Now Jon Kitna’s coming in as quarterback and I’m just now noticing something strange about him – the man has no neck.
Martellus Bennett is looking like his play might match his hype this year. If he turns into another Jason Witten and becomes a star, I’ll bet the audience for his off-the-wall video streams on MartyBTV start to get bigger. And that’ll mean more scrutiny and pressure on him to grow up and be serious and focused. Don’t do it, Marty B! You gotta be you, man.
The cameras are completely ignoring the cheerleaders, and I want to know why.
The Cowboys silver-and-blue on white uniforms look really classy. The Oakland Raiders’ black and silver look horrible in comparison.
Our defense might look classy in their jerseys, but they are playing like they’re running up hill, in the sand, in high heels. Cowboys down 7-10.
Coach Wade Phillips looks like he wants to kill somebody. Or else he’s constipated. It’s hard to tell with Wade.
The TV announces the upcoming Paul McCartney concert on Wednesday at Cowboys Stadium in Arlington. He should dedicate “Let It Be” to Cowboys fans who persist in making a big deal out of Marty B’s harmless videos.
Kitna fumbles a snap, picks it up, and then tries to duck a tackler, but it’s difficult to duck when you have no neck.
WR Sam Hurd and Kitna got a good thing going on. Miles Austin better watch out or he’ll soon be Miles and Miles From Austin.
Damn it’s good to be watching football again. The off-season dragged on forever.
Babe interviews Jerry Jones and I gotta admit, Jones has one of the best toupees around. And that face lift he got a few years back is starting to loosen up a little and make his face look more natural than it has been. He looks good for a man his age, except for the Herb Tarlick suit he’s wearing.
Damn, this game started late. I’m growing sleepy…sleepy…slee… .