Letterman on Tape

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Posted October 22, 2009 by Jimmy Fowler in Blotch

If the news that a David Letterman sex tape may soon surface doesn’t cause you to toss your cheerios, then you have mastered a powerful gag reflex.

Although Letterman’s sex scandal has waned somewhat in the national press, the so-called ”trickle effect” — and we’re not discussing the late night host’s prostate troubles – has yet to be determined as the extortion trial looms.

As far as who Letterman has sex with, that’s his and his longtime girlfriend turned wife’s business. I’m mostly a libertarian where people’s bedroom activities are concerned. His biggest crime, in my book, is professional – he’s smug, comedically lazy and seriously unfunny at the same time. He annoys me the way, say, Sean Penn annoys my colleague and fellow Blotcher Jeff Prince. And since Letterman is so eager to smirk at other people’s erotic misadventures, I say – in the spirit of a Letterman staff meeting – pile on!

“Top Five Reasons Why Women Shouldn’t Work for Letterman”

5. The phrase “human resources” is misinterpreted by Dave in a very, very icky way.

4. That tiny lens in the spy cam of the women’s restroom is harder to clean than you think.

3. “Casual Fridays” entail sheer lingerie, Hef-style pillow fights, and the possibility that Dave must be resuscitated with an external defibrillator.

2. Rest assured, you will feel his clammy, trembling hands all over you. That’s just part of the interview process.

And the “Number One” Reason Why Women Shouldn’t Work for Letterman:

1. Old people smell funny. Especially Dave. When he’s on top of you.


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