Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys
The Dallas Cowboys are losers. L-O-S-E-R-S. The Washington Redskins will kick the living shit out of the Cowgirls come Sunday.
Predicted score: a 45-10 drubbing.
There, that ought to motivate the team. (This reverse psychology is fun).
Leading up to last Saturday night’s game against the undefeated New Orleans Saints, the Cowboys players were on a mission – a very whiney, woe-is-me mission.
I’ve never heard so many angry players defending themselves against a sports media that characterized them as December-challenged losers who were about to tank another season. (Hey, that’s what media members do after a dozen dismal Decembers in a row).
The Cowboys denied, denied, denied any problems or December curses all season long, and then lost their first two December games against the New York Giants and San Diego Chargers and fell out of first place.
Then, when critics predicted collapse, the team surprised everyone by growing a backbone and winning.
After the game, Romo was still pointing fingers. In two post-game interviews he said the team drew motivation from the naysayers, particularly criticism from former NFL coach Tony Dungy, who dared say the Cowboys had “no chance” of beating the Saints.
Sure, their win was made easier by the fact that Saints tight end Jeremy Shockey was out with an injury and star running back Reggie Bush left the game early with a strained hammy.
Bush’s injury was really sad because, up to that point, every time he busted off a good run I would imagine his girlfriend Kim Kardashian excitedly jumping up and down…under a waterfall…in slow motion.
This just in: It’s official — Miles Austin is a bonafide star…and Roy Williams is a genuine bust.
After catching one measly pass, Williams finally stepped up toward the end of the game and did something important – he dropped a crucial third down pass that killed a fourth-quarter drive.
I never thought I’d say this, but Williams is tarnishing even Danny White’s shaky legacy surrounding jersey No. 11.
While we’re talking about busts – say hello to Nick Folk. Here’s some Folklore — Nick is as good as gone by week’s end. At least he’d better be.
If Wade “the Real Bum” Phillips doesn’t dump this cursed kicker and bring in new blood, I’ll bet a hundred bucks that Folk will shank a future kick, cost us a game, and ruin this season. Mark my words!
One final complaint – why in the hell were we subjected to watching the game on Channel 21, with no high-def viewing, a fuzzy screen, and the worst announcing team in the history of sports announcing, led by inept commentator Matt Millen and lifeless on-field reporter Alex Flanagan?
Offensive Game Balls go to Romo, for finding a way to win in a noisy Superdome, and Austin for stepping up yet again and catching seven passes for 139 yards and a TD.
Defensive Game Balls go to Anthony Spencer for disrupting QB Drew Brees in the backfield, and Mike Jenkins for disrupting Brees from the secondary. But top ball goes to DeMarcus Ware for coming back a week after a near career-ending injury and playing lights out with two sacks and two forced fumbles, including the game-sealer.
Bench The Bum Award – Williams is playing like a fifth receiver and should be rewarded thusly.
He’s Going Psycho Award – Flozelle Adams continued his rush toward complete psychosis, madly shoving Marian Barber down after a touchdown, and then later having to be held back by a teammate after attacking a referee after yet another personal foul.