Can We Fill Out the Form Under the Covers?

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Posted March 17, 2010 by Static in News

There are days in this country when being a sentient human seems to have become a lost art (look no further than some comments on Blotch for proof that Idiocracy is occurring as we speak). On those days, Static would just like to go home and pull the covers over its head, but unfortunately a high percentage of those days turn out to be Tuesdays, when the Weekly goes to press. When the boss is running around demanding copy, it’s not good for one’s job security to report in depressed and confused.

But it’s been one of those months, you know? The U. S. Supreme Court has decided that a corporation is exactly the same as a human being and therefore swept away the paltry limits imposed by Congress on the control of our elections by corporate lucre. In response, as the Washington Post reported, a corporation, as a stunt, decided to run for Congress. Then there are all the folks in a frenzy now about the Obama administration allegedly destroying the U.S. Constitution — what cave were they hiding in for all those years of the Bush Administration, when Dick Cheney had a piece of it for breakfast every day, toasted? The State Board of Education is … well, let’s just say grade school dropouts show more common sense.

There was one glimmer of rationality this week issuing from the bench of U.S. District Judge Terry Means, who told Tarrant County College officials that they couldn’t bar students’ “empty holster” protests, just like they couldn’t limit free speech on campus to certain “zones” or prohibit student groups from bringing in outside speakers. Now, Static thinks the empty-holsterers and their desire to bring guns to class are loons of the first order (and would-be armed loons at that), but isn’t that what college is all about? It’s supposed to be the place where impressionable young people get exposed to every dingbat philosophy ever invented, not to mention trying all 31 flavors of ice cream, new sexual positions, and every brand of cheap beer on offer at the corner pub. That, pilgrim, is the American Way.

Well, maybe that’s enough cheer to carry us through another week. Or at least until the census form finally arrives. Static has now been bombarded with the “census is good” mantra from radio and TV commercials, direct mail, and, most recently, the PA system at the gas station. OK, OK — filling it out will help Texas get political clout and federal money. Message received. Now quit stalking us already.


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