Breaking News: The Gulf is Oily!

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Posted July 9, 2010 by Jimmy Fowler in Blotch

If fans of The Daily Show were to spend a few consecutive hours watching one of the 24/7 cable news stations, they’d realize: Jon Stewart’s writing staff doesn’t have to work that hard to find ideas. It only requires a little patience before an anchor or reporter on CNN, Fox, and MSNBC says or does something arrogant/inexplicable/unintentionally hilarious.

Case in point: This afternoon’s live report by environmentalist Philippe Cousteau (Jacques’s son) and a CNN reporter. They donned these big Hazmat-type suits, breathing gear, video and audio equipment, and then dove into the middle of the Gulf oil spill. Viewers could barely see or hear them through the petroleum murk, so the in-studio anchor had to translate their impressions as they floated limply in thick dirty water. What did their intrepid underwater investigation turn up? “The water should be a lot clearer than this,” gurgled Cousteau. Another shocking discovery: “Sea animals can smother in oily water.” Perhaps the most salient finding from the report: “Cable news personalities are forced to do some really stupid shit to fill up all that broadcast time.”


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