Cowboys Hire Garrett — Amused?

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Posted January 6, 2011 by Anthony Mariani in Blotch

As the newly appointed head coach of the Dallas Cowboys, Jason Garrett is ready to get his hands dirty and follow the rebuilding plan graciously laid out by the Weekly’s Jeff Prince.

 

Or not.

 

Garrett’s loss. Anyway, with the new hiring, I figured that I’d ask a couple of Cowboys fans what they think of the Ginger-Haired Genius, because as a die-hard Steelers fan I, honestly, could not begin to care less. But I’m a serious rubbernecker.

 

“I LIKE IT!” writes Weekly Classifieds director Brian Martin in an e-mail. “He is a daywalker, though,” referencing the South Park episode about red-heads with no freckles. “He also looks dreamy if you put him in a Tom Landry suit. On the serious side, me-thinks it is the second best hire Jerrah has ever made as far as a coach goes. [Garrett] is smart, he’s got nice dimples, and he looks very serious and kinda scary in a high-school-football-coach sort of way. On a Michelin scale, I give him two stars –– same as a Cowboys helmet.”

 

Betsy Lewis from Production disagrees slightly with Martin, saying, “I like Jason Garrett, but I still have the awful pit-in-the-bottom of my stomach feeling that he’s just another band-aid in the search to find someone who’ll fit into Jerry’s philosophy, and I can’t even begin to tell you that I know what that philosophy is other than to have great control over too many aspects of the club. I would have loved to have had a more seasoned head coach coming in to take control of this thing.”

 

Weekleteer-by-proxy John Overcash –– he’s married to retail sales director Carrie Rehorn-Overcash –– is absolutely apoplectic about the hire. “Hate Garrettop or the Redheaded Jesus, whatever you call him. I don’t like it. He sucked calling plays when he was the offensive coordinator, and he only beat teams that sucked or didn’t play their starters. He has all these toys –– Dez, Miles, Whitten, Felix, and Choice –– and he can’t use them in the right way. He is the dumbest Princeton grad ever. Bring back Barry or Jimmy or let me coach.”

 

Weekly friend and Calhoun frontman Tim Locke, well, you’d think he was a glass-half-empty kinda person based on his response to the Garrett hiring. “It’s over. But I watch a game for two minutes and we fall behind by a field goal, and I say it’s over. He did a good job with a charred wreck of a season, but it’s still over. It’s been over and will always be over, and you can quote me on that, cheif.”

 

Weekly friend and Chatterton frontman Kevin Aldridge gets a good vibe from Garrettop. “I’m not really sure why I feel this way, but I like the hiring of Garrett. The team certainly played better under him: not great but better, and they didn’t seem to give up. That said, as long as Jerry is still alive and running this thing, you’re going to see much of the same at Valley Ranch. I heard today that Garrett will have final say on players and coaches. I hope that’s the case, but we’re talking about Jerry here. He wants to win and get the credit.”

 

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