Cleveland Love For Dallas Gets Creepy

4
Posted June 14, 2011 by Jeff Prince in Blotch

The people in Cleveland, Ohio were surely jilted and angered by NBA superstar LeBron James’ decision to flee their dingy town and seek bigger spotlights in flashy Miami this season.

So when the Dallas Mavs crushed the dreams of James and his not so hot Heat, the Ohio governor declared today a special day for Mavs fans: We are all honorary Ohioans for the day.

Except for what he’s really saying is, “In yo face LeBron, you disloyal gutless bastard.”

And now the owner of a Cleveland deli has named his king-sized corned beef sandwich in honor of Dirk Nowitzki.

What next?

Ohio will boil a pet bunny and put it on James’ front door along with a note saying, “We love Texas!”


4 Comments


  1.  
    Dan McGraw

    As someone who was born in Cleveland, here are some suggestions to celebrate being an honorary Ohioan.

    1) The Cuyahoga River in Cleveland used to catch on fire a lot. In 1969, it burned for five hours, five stories high, and burned down three bridges. So get some gasoline, go down to the Trinity River and set it on fire.

    2) Play some Frankie Yankovic. I suggest “Who Stole the Kieska,” a song about sausage theft from a butcher shop. BTW, the Polka King got arrested one time for stealing bacon from a grocery store.

    3) For the women, wear a babuska.

    4) Eat pierogies and stuffed cabbage rolls and blood sausage.

    5) Start a riot based on cheap beer to honor the ten-cent beer night riot at Cleveland Stadium in 1974 (the local angle is that our Texas Rangers won by forfeit.)

    6) Ask a girl to dance using the line “You polka, no.”

    7) Set your hair on fire with a welding torch. Cleveland Mayor Ralph Perk was cutting some metal to open a welding convention and set his hair on fire.

    That’s all for now. Welcome all you Honorary Ohioans.




  2.  
    Dan McGraw

    Here are the lyrics for the “Who Stole the Kishka” sausage theft song. BTW, locals Brave Combo have recorded it.

    Someone stole the kishka
    Someone stole the kishka
    Who stole the kishka,
    from the butcher’s shop?
    Who stole the kishka?
    Who stole the kishka?
    Who stole the kishka?
    Someone call the cops!

    Fat and round and firmly packed
    It was hanging on the rack
    Someone stole the kishka
    When I turned my back
    Who stole the kishka?
    Who stole the kishka?
    Who stole the kishka?
    Someone bring it back!

    Someone stole the kishka
    Someone stole the kishka
    Who stole the kishka,
    from the butcher shop?
    Who stole the kishka?
    Who stole the kishka?
    Who stole the kishka?
    Someone call the cops!

    Yusef found the kishka
    Yusef found the kishka
    Yusef found the kishka
    And he hung it on the rack.
    He found the kishka
    He found the kishka
    He found the kishka
    Yusef brought it back
    Heeeeeyyyyyyyy
    Hey!
    huh-huh-huh-huh




  3.  
    Seam

    This makes Ohio look so small and irrelevant. This is an entire state going far out of its way to bash one individual (a 26 year old basketball player) over something that happened last year. Does this really make people feel better about themselves when they wake up in the morning? If so, don’t ever complain about what is wrong in the world.




  4.  
    Anthony

    Yes, Seam. It’s beyond juvenile, a huge state with a lot of pride and history reduced to the lowest of the low, ridiculing a professional athlete. Though I’m from nearby P-A, I’m ashamed.





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