The Real Scoop on Selena

2
Posted June 16, 2011 by Jimmy Fowler in Blotch
A SHOCKING PUBLIC DISPLAY! (SELENA IS THE ONE ON THE RIGHT).

A SHOCKING PUBLIC DISPLAY! (SELENA IS THE ONE ON THE RIGHT).

Pop sprite and Grand Prairie native Selena Gomez told a Dallas-based radio show that junk food is responsible for her recent hospitalization. Um, right. I thought Disney Channel starlets thrived on a diet of Jolly Ranchers and energy drinks. Why is her tummy suddenly so delicate?

I have an alternate explanation, and it’s not pretty: A True Belieber, outraged at Selena’s brazen and 100% authentic romance with Justin, finally stopped leaving death threats on fan sites and decided to act. She infiltrated the Gomez inner circle and has been spiking the singer’s Sugar Free Killer Buzz with glitter nail polish. Selena is keeping mum about all of it because a purge of infidels is imminent at the Gomez compound. Her bodyguards have been advised that Gomez will personally handle the culprit’s fate.

I could also speculate that Justin Bieber is actually a 23 year old lesbian bilking millions of tween girls around the world, but that’s just paranoid crazy talk.


2 Comments


  1.  
    Duggan

    There is only one Selena and it isn’t anybody pictured above. If you are going to write about that inconsequential teenybopper actress you should use her full name Selena Gomez. In Texas and the world “Selena” is reserved for the singer who was shot down in her prime.




  2.  
    K

    Oh, don’t get your panties in a wad. The younger generation doesn’t even know who she IS. Selena doesn’t need her last name for everything. Gomez would be everywhere! You see people saying Selena and Justin, so how do we know what Justin it is? She is a good person so stop bagging on her. I am not saying don’t respect the other Selena, but come on, are you that stupid that two people can’t have the same name? Ignorant.





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