The Texas Giant and Me

Posted July 11, 2011 by Jimmy Fowler in Blotch

By now you’ve probably heard that the recently renovated Texas Giant roller coaster at Six Flags stopped in mid-ride yesterday. Fourteen stories up. After a half hour baking in triple digit heat, the passengers calmly walked down the tracks to safety. This story fascinates me because, as a kid, I had an occasional nightmare about getting stuck in mid-air on a roller coaster. I never attempted any of the big coasters when I went to parks.

I’m also hugely impressed by the poise of the riders who left their seats and quietly walked down. Had I been on that coaster, the event would’ve made even bigger headlines. Here are the possible scenarios: 1) The track has to be dismantled and lowered to the ground with heavy equipment because I won’t let go of the bar holding me in place. 2) I grab the smallest, weakest nearby passenger and begin shouting that some really bad shit will go down if the f***ing operators don’t get off their f***ing asses and get this motherf***er moving. 3) Officials from the state’s parks and wildlife department are forced to shoot me with a tranquilizer gun and catch my falling body, similar to those viral videos where rangers bag bears trapped in trees. So it’s best for everyone if I stay away from coasters.

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