Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys vs Lions
I apologize to the Dallas Cowboys and fans for a remark I made during the first quarter of yesterday’s game. I’m afraid it jinxed the team.
“Nice to see Barbie Carpenter on the other side,” I texted to a friend, mocking the Detroit Lions linebacker with the great hair but questionable skills. The Cowboys drafted Carpenter with a first round pick in 2006 but he never lived up to expectations. Online satirists created the Barbie Carpenter site during his years with the Cowboys and brutalized him in print each week. The team dumped him in 2010.
Meanwhile, our young linebacker Sean Lee has become a phenomenon.
“Amen,” my friend texted back. “When I saw Carpenter I thought, ‘We got this one.’ “
Suddenly I felt like Bernie Mac after he jinxed the Chicago Cubs by calling them champs while singing “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” in the 2003 World Series. They ended up losing that game and the Series.
Sure enough, Lee had an average game, while Carpenter ran back an interception for a touchdown to help hand the Cowboys a soul-crushing spanking. No previous Cowboys team ever blew such a lead. Now they’re a mediocre 2-2, limping into a bye week while propping up a quarterback who keeps driving the team bus off a cliff.
On the bright side, Carpenter’s happy. He always seemed like a decent guy. So good on him.
By the way, there’s a real Barbie Carpenter living in Kentucky who’s got better hair than football Barbie.
As for Tony “Oh No” Romo, I’m not forgetting my earlier pledge. The Cowboys qb earned my yearlong devotion after Week 2. I’m supporting him the rest of the way.
But some fickle fans, local sportswriters, and national hacks are forgetting your Week 2 and Week 3 heroics, Tony, and even throwing the “choke artist” tag back out there. Don’t you listen to those turncoats! You’ll win the next game, champ, and then kick ass all the way to the Super Bowl and you can tell them all to kiss your ring!
Oops, I just jinxed him again.