Final Off Asides On 2011 Dallas Cowboys

2
Posted January 4, 2012 by Jeff Prince in Blotch

The Dallas Cowboys forgot to yank on their boots for the final game of the 2011 regular season. Instead of kicking Giants butt and two-stepping into the playoffs, they now walk barefoot across the prickly, snake-ridden desert known as Palookaville.

The most disappointing play of the season: New York Giants running back Brandon Jacobs scores, runs to the Cowboys star, dances on it, pretends to urinate on it — and the Cowboys do nothing.

Ah, the perfect metaphor for this year’s defense.

Anyhoo, before everybody disappeared into the abyss known as the off season, I made a few calls and got some departing quotes:

TONY: A NICE FAN SENT ME THIS PHOTO -- THE RED CIRCLE INDICATES I AM THE CENTER OF THE COWBOYS UNIVERSE, AND THE RED DIAGONAL LINE MEANS IM AS STRAIGHT AND TRUE AS AN ARROW. THIS KIND OF FAN SUPPORT MEANS A LOT TO ME, ESPECIALLY AFTER ANOTHER DECEMBER COLLAPSE.

TONY: "A NICE FAN SENT ME THIS PHOTO — THE RED CIRCLE INDICATES I AM THE CENTER OF THE COWBOYS UNIVERSE. THE DIAGONAL LINE MEANS I'M STRAIGHT AND TRUE AS AN ARROW. THIS KIND OF FAN SUPPORT MEANS A LOT TO ME, ESPECIALLY AFTER ANOTHER DECEMBER COLLAPSE.""

THE JERSEY: SOMEBODY PLEASE BURN ME. AGAIN.

THE JERSEY: "SOMEBODY PLEASE BURN ME. AGAIN."

GOD: JERRY JONES PUT THE HOLE IN THE ROOF SO I COULD LOOK DOWN ON MY TEAM. AND JESUS WEPT.

GOD: "JERRY JONES PUT THE HOLE IN THE ROOF SO I COULD LOOK DOWN ON MY TEAM. AND JESUS WEPT."

BILL: IT IS WHAT IT IS. JERRY: WHAT IS IT? BILL: IT IS CRAP.

BILL: "IT IS WHAT IT IS." JERRY: "WHAT IS IT?" BILL: "IT IS CRAP."

BOB: "SOMETHING IS HAPPENING HERE AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, DO YOU MISTER JONES?"

BOB: "SOMETHING IS HAPPENING HERE AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS, DO YOU MISTER JONES?"

THE STAR: I FEEL SO DIRTY.

THE STAR: "I FEEL SO DIRTY."

THE TROPHY: DALLAS WHO?

THE TROPHY: "DALLAS WHO?"


2 Comments


  1.  
    Bridget

    Win Lose or Tie, Cowboys till I die!!! Cowboys4life. Greatest wn of the season….Cowboys DEFEAT the Fortywhiners (49ers).




  2.  
    Bud

    More than ever the Dallas Cowboys are truly representative of America’s Team. They’re both going down the toilet.





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