Breastaurant Owner Buys Texas Town, Names It ‘Bikinis’

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Posted July 20, 2012 by Andrew McLemore in Blotch
1-hooters

Doug Guller, a self-described “breastaurateur” and the owner of Bikinis Sports Bar and Grill franchise, has bought a Central Texas ghost town on Craigslist and renamed it, no joke, “Bikinis.”

“Bikinis, TX will be a world class destination and I am thrilled to expand the Bikinis brand to include town ownership,” Guller said in a release on his company’s site. “There can’t be a better way to put Bikinis on the map…Literally.”

The town is just a few miles from Luckenbach, made famous by a 1977 song by Willie Nelson and Waylon Jennings. Guller made the announcement of his purchase and renaming on Tuesday, which he also declared National Bikinis Day.

Ah, the tasteless wonders that free market capitalism can bring to the masses. It almost makes the sexy nurses of Heart Attack Grill seem quaint by comparison. Or remember the “bikini baristas” who so strongly defended their business, and then were caught by police selling more than coffee?

There’s no doubt some journalist is currently working on deadline on a story about how businesses with bikini-clad servers are recession-proof, along with liquor stores, candy stops and an assortment of other vice-sellers that get more tantalizing as the world gets more depressing.

Oh wait, we already have that story!

The “breastaurant” biz is busting the brassieres of the economic downturn, according to MSNBC. (That may be a paraphrase.)

While Hooters pioneered this business model, it has struggled while similar franchises have boomed in recent years. As the website of the mountain lodge-themed Twin Peaks says: “Twin Peaks is about you, ’cause you’re the man!”

Now what comes first? The feminist outrage? Or will it be the white, male politician telling us that terrorists hate us for our breast-y restaurants and not American foreign policy?

In China, the government recently criticized the organizers of a Beijing auto show for the “negative social impact” of displaying sexy, high-heeled women with its shiny new rides.

Which just goes to show that even if the communist superpower may kick our ass in manufacturing, we still have a free-market edge on selling lewd, crass behavior.


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