Is the New Fort Worth Bishop a Secret Godless Liberal?

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Posted November 20, 2013 by JIMMY FOWLER in Blotch
michaelolson

Conservative Catholics worldwide have been throwing hissy fits over Pope Francis. After a few months in office, the unpredictable Argentinian Jesuit has declared that atheists can be good people, too; Muslim women deserve ceremonial footwashings as much as Catholic men; gay people shouldn’t be judged for their sexual orientation; and church members shouldn’t become too “obsessed” with abortion and contraception as religious issues. Whew! That’s a whole lot of compassion, humility, and other Jesus-y stuff for right-wingers to swallow in such a short time.

Just yesterday, the Vatican announced that Francis had selected Monsignor Michael Olson as the new presiding bishop of the church’s Fort Worth diocese. What can we expect from a North Texas bishop appointed by Pope Hippie McFlowerchild? Here’s a biography of Olson that conservatives would fear (and liberals would love) to read:

“Olson, a graduate of the University of California at Berkeley with a doctorate in feminist cultural studies, has authored several books on comparative religion, including the bestseller Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Vishnu: It’s All the Same, People! In his spare time, Olson likes to volunteer at women’s health clinics and LGBT resource centers. A passionate vegan who never touches alcohol, Olson owns two shelter dogs –– one named John, the other Yoko. Asked to comment on his new position as Fort Worth’s bishop, he said: ‘As a longtime fan of both Unitarian Universalism and polyamory, it is my proud duty to nudge Fort Worth Catholics toward Unitarianism and away from the traditional two-spouse marriage model.’”

Just kidding! Olson grew up in the Chicago area and until recently served as rector at an Irving seminary. I’m sure he’ll do just fine in his new post.


10 Comments


  1.  
    Jimmy

    If someone thinks this is funny (including the writer), they out to have their head examined.




  2.  
    Haase

    This is not funny nor is it clever writing. At most high school level. I leaves me thinking this is a attempt to look smart.




  3.  
    Alan

    How old is this “reporter”? I always told my middle schooler that the written word is permanent. This writer obviously doesn’t know that putting JK at the end of his article doesn’t stop people from believing the previous writing. And yes there are some people who stop after reading the headline. What a piece of trash “journalism”!!




  4.  
    Michael

    Retract this “article!” It misrepresents, and borders on defamation. If you don’t like the Catholic Church, don’t spread lies, but engage Her in true discourse!




  5.  
    Michael

    Oh, and apologize in another post!




  6.  
    Msgr, Michael Olson

    Dear Mister Fowler,

    I write to register my offense at your recent article written and posted on FW Weekly website. Its audacity is only surpassed by its blatant disregard for the facts. For purposes of setting the record straight, my two dogs are named “Buddy” and “Sally”—not “John” and “Yoko.” In the future, please try to be more diligent in checking your facts.

    Sincerely,
    Rev. Msgr. Michael Olson
    Bishop-elect of Fort Worth




    •  
      CBVALDIVIA

      I see nothing wrong in a bishop having a doctorate in feminist cultural studies, authoring several books on comparative religion, volunteering at women’s health clinics & LGBT resource centers and never touching alcohol. But to say that he grew up in Chicago is insulting. The only thing worse is being a two-bit flack in Texas!




  7.  
    Giant Sperm Whale

    I would like to know the true motivation in publishing a story like this one. I should not admit it, but I will admit that I read a Rolling Stone cover story about four years ago that detailed a lengthy interview profiling George W. Bush. My jaw was dropped the entire time I spent reading that piece. After I was finished, I realized that the whole thing was made up in every single way. This is the second time I’ve been fooled by a publication in this way. Thankfully this piece about the bishop was short. But seriously, why was it created? Laughs? Honestly want to know.





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