The baseball world blasted Texas Rangers owner Tom Hicks for paying $252 million for a shortstop, but that deal was sweet compared to some of his other investments. An issue of Newsweek in early September, under the headline "Dumb Deals 101," listed 10 of the "biggest investment fiascoes of recent years." Included among the big losers was the Dallas firm Hicks, Muse, Tate & Furst for investing $1 billion in four telecom start-ups in 1999 and 2000. The start-ups went bankrupt, and the $1 billion went bye-bye. (A Hicks spokesman declined to comment.) That's why Static keeps its money in a coffee can buried in a petunia garden.

An alternative newspaper hit the streets here in August. Unfortunately, The Coyote is an alternative to relevance, creativity, quality, and proper spelling. The monthly tabloid bills itself as a guide to "drinking, dining, live music, pickin' up babes, restaurant reviews, what's at the movies, cultural stuff, and the meaning of life as we know it." The first two issues contained stale jokes, a sexist attitude, and juvenile, self-absorbed writing. (OK, maybe Static shouldn't bitch about that last one.)

In rural Texas, ranchers shoot coyotes and hang their carcasses from fences. Static is not suggesting that The Coyote deserves a similar fate. Additional outlets for expression are welcome, although this woeful dog serves as little more than a promotional outlet for bars and restaurants. Maybe it will surprise (and please) us and evolve into something worth reading.

Quin Withey, a former Texan who has lived in Manhattan since 1990, says he is proud that little looting was reported in New York during the hours and days following the Sept. 11 bombing of the World Trade Center. Nationwide, though, it didn't take long for jerks without consciences to strike. Shortly after the tragedy, fraudulent fundraisers on the Internet were exploiting people for money. Other idiots, including at least two in Fort Worth, called in bomb threats for kicks. Others terrorized innocent Arab-Americans. Static would like to drag their asses across a razor-blade patch, and treat their wounds with salt and vinegar.