The storms that turned out the lights in North Texas last week also knocked down a tree in Static's yard. After being ripped off by opportunistic tree trimmers and hauling the debris to the curb, Static had an amusing telephone conversation with a municipal drone scheduling bulky waste pickup. Drone wanted to know if the brush pile was Òbigger or smaller than a Volkswagen Beetle,'' a heretofore unheard-of unit of measurement. Static informed Drone that the brush pile was approximately the size of three Beetles, and arrangements were efficiently made to let the unsightly pile rot curbside for weeks. But maybe Drone is onto something -- why not use vehicles to measure weights, capacities, and lengths? Who wouldn't understand a dump truck of woe, a 747-sized hole in your pocket, or a bureaucrat with a Matchbox car for a soul? Static will wander off now, in search of an oil freighter of cold beer.

Maybe it was a not-so-subtle hint that it's time for him to pack up and head back to Florida -- or maybe he was just getting the bird. For whatever reason, 72 pink plastic flamingos showed up in Tom Tocco's yard last Sunday morn to greet the recently demoted Fort Worth ISD super as he shuffled out to get his morning paper. ÒYou've been flocked,Ó a sign read, along with a banner proclaiming the tacky darlings were a gift from the Western Hills High School marching band. School's out, and kids and teachers have scattered like startled quail. Static has learned that ÒflockingÓ is the latest thing these days, replacing toilet paper in the trees as a message that the recipient is either popular or dork-ular. Static may start its own, more transparent, tradition: If some soon-to-be-ex-official's house gets papered with canceled bus tickets and old airline boarding passes, just think of it as a Cowtown bon voyage.