Posts Tagged ‘Off Asides’
HANS AND FRANZ WON'T STOP PUMPING US UP

Off Asides on Dallas Cowboys vs Green Bay Packers, Fate

Jeff Prince
Off Asides wakes up Sunday morning feeling like Kris Kristofferson — with no way to hold my head that doesn’t hurt, looking for my cleanest dirty shirt, and thinking of Rita Coolidge riding bareback on a palomino wh...


DONNA DOUGLAS IN 1967 (courtesy wikipedia)

Off Asides on Dallas Cowboys vs Detroit Lions, Chokers

Jeff Prince
Today’s Off Asides is devoted to Donna Douglas, an early TV crush for young men who grew up watching The Beverly Hillbillies. The sweet but fiery Elly May Clampett is now swimming in that big cement pond in the sky. (Is it wr...



YOU'RE GETTING SLEEPY, VERY SLEEPY. (courtesy wikimedia)

Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys vs Philadelphia Eagles, Dreams

Jeff Prince
Attending an after-hours party on Saturday night/Sunday morning means Off Asides is not in tip-top shape on Sunday night to deliver the world’s most insightful column on the Dallas Cowboys. This stark reality dawns on me when...


THIS BEANIE-WEARING DOG ONLY WISHES HE LOOKED AS COOL AS HAZEL (courtesy Jason Sussberg on flickr)

Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys vs Chicago Bears, Statistics

Jeff Prince
If the calendar is to be believed, it’s December. And if curses are to be believed, the Dallas Cowboys will soon crumble. The curse appears to have rubbed off on me, as I’m pulled over for speeding on my way home from work ...



CHRIS GAINES AKA GARTH BROOKS AKA SPASTIC CLOWN

Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys vs NY Giants, Greatest Catch

Jeff Prince
It’s Sunday night and I’m prepped for the Cowboys game — the drop of queso staining my t-shirt should be the glorious first of many. It’s great to be an American. First thing I notice is the stubble-faced an...


teeth

Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys vs Jaguars In London

Jeff Prince
The Dallas Cowboys would remain in second place even if they lost yesterday’s game at Wembley Stadium, and yet the game had a must-win, do-or-die feel to it. Last week’s fiasco made it clear that backup quarterback ...



UNCONFIRMED REPORTS SAY LOVE IS EXCITING AND NEW, AND THE LOVE BOAT IS EXPECTING YOU.

Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys vs NY Big Giants

Jeff Prince
Troy Aikman screwed up in the announcer’s booth during yesterday’s Dallas Cowboys game with the New York Giants at Jerry World. He said former quarterback Roger Staubach stands above all others. “He’s a great ma...


bald

Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys vs Seattle Seahawks, The Dude

Jeff Prince
The so-called 12th Man in Seattle (the 90,000 fans who pack CenturyLink Stadium and believe they can alter games by their rowdy presence) found an ally in the 13th Man — the Dallas Cowboys special teams. The units fumbled...



WHAT THE WHA' -- J.J. WATT SHOWS OFF HIS GUNS. (Wikipedia photo)

Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys vs Houston Texans, JJ Watt

Jeff Prince
Sportwriters today are talking about how the Dallas Cowboys kept Houston Texans defensive end J.J. Watt hogtied on Sunday, limiting the man-beast to a measly four tackles and no sacks. While that may be true, Watt was successfu...


CLAUDE RAINS

ALERT! No Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys vs Saints

Jeff Prince
Off Asides is out of the office this week. Thus, the Metroplex’s most heralded sports column (note: no heralds actually heard) will not be entertaining you with the wit, insight, non sequiturs, puns, and pathos you’ve come ...