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Posts Tagged ‘Off Asides’
ROBERT DE NIRO TRAUMATIZED HAZEL THE RESEARCH ASSISTANT AND MATT CASSEL TO SECURE A WIN FOR THE NEW YORK GIANTS.

Off Asides: Dallas Cowboys vs New York Giants, Robert De Niro

Jeff Prince
Brandon “The Tangerine Trainwreck” Weeden is history. Ancient history. The Weeden Era is reminiscent of the Mesozoic Era — a big dinosaur lumbered around and did little but eat turf. The Weeden Era would actua...


RUE, BEFORE A SPEAR WAS THROWN THROUGH HER GUT. SHE'S DEAD NOW.

Off Asides: Dallas Cowboys vs New England Patriots, Pits Of Hell

Jeff Prince
The Orange Smush era has resulted in two straight Cowboys losses. (I’m still formulating a suitable Brandon Weeden nickname. Maybe today’s crucial game will reveal the perfect moniker. ) To call today’s game “crucia...



SATURDAY NIGHT'S GIFT FROM A FRIEND TURNED INTO SUNDAY'S INABILITY TO STAY AWAKE FOR THE COWBOYS GAME.

Off Asides: Dallas Cowboys vs New Orleans Saints, Tequila

Jeff Prince
This edition of Off Asides will be short because Saturday’s bottle of tequila was tall. My buddy, Blue, dropped by after a visit to Mexico bearing a gift that we proceeded to consume over the course of the evening. Now it’s...


BRANDON "WTF" WEEDEN HAD A ROUGH DAY, BUT BY THE END OF THE GAME HE'D LEARNED A VALUABLE LESSON ABOUT LIFE.

Off Asides on Dallas Cowboys vs Falcons, Nicknames

Jeff Prince
Sunday morning, two hours before the Dallas Cowboys play, and I’m all jazzed up about seeing Brandon “The Ginger Cringer” Weeden take the reins. The team’s two biggest guns, Tony Romo and Dez Bryant, are...



THE LATE, GREAT ESTHER WILLIAMS.

Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys vs Iggles, Injuries

Jeff Prince
The broken bone in Dez Bryant’s foot could keep him sidelined for up to three months. Who knows when the Cowboys No. 1 wide receiver will be back to normal? Maybe not until next year.  How does this affect the Dallas Cowboys...


HAZEL: "i JUST DREAMED A RABBIT WITH A PATCH OF FUR SHAPED LIKE A STAR WAS ALMOST TRAPPED AND KILLED BY A GIANT HUNTER."

Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys vs NY Giants

Jeff Prince
Yay, the moment we’ve all been waiting for! (The excitement is so intense I don’t even care that I ended the first sentence of the first Off Asides of the new football season with a dangling preposition. It’s crazy!) Holy...



HANS AND FRANZ WON'T STOP PUMPING US UP

Off Asides on Dallas Cowboys vs Green Bay Packers, Fate

Jeff Prince
Off Asides wakes up Sunday morning feeling like Kris Kristofferson — with no way to hold my head that doesn’t hurt, looking for my cleanest dirty shirt, and thinking of Rita Coolidge riding bareback on a palomino wh...


DONNA DOUGLAS IN 1967 (courtesy wikipedia)

Off Asides on Dallas Cowboys vs Detroit Lions, Chokers

Jeff Prince
Today’s Off Asides is devoted to Donna Douglas, an early TV crush for young men who grew up watching The Beverly Hillbillies. The sweet but fiery Elly May Clampett is now swimming in that big cement pond in the sky. (Is it wr...



YOU'RE GETTING SLEEPY, VERY SLEEPY. (courtesy wikimedia)

Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys vs Philadelphia Eagles, Dreams

Jeff Prince
Attending an after-hours party on Saturday night/Sunday morning means Off Asides is not in tip-top shape on Sunday night to deliver the world’s most insightful column on the Dallas Cowboys. This stark reality dawns on me when...


THIS BEANIE-WEARING DOG ONLY WISHES HE LOOKED AS COOL AS HAZEL (courtesy Jason Sussberg on flickr)

Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys vs Chicago Bears, Statistics

Jeff Prince
If the calendar is to be believed, it’s December. And if curses are to be believed, the Dallas Cowboys will soon crumble. The curse appears to have rubbed off on me, as I’m pulled over for speeding on my way home from work ...