Welfare (Bragging) Rights

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Posted April 25, 2007 by Static in News

Dead heads are coming to town, but not the ones who enjoy singing “Truckin’” while smoking mari-hoochie from a Dr Pepper can and dribbling nacho cheese on their tie-dyed shirts.

Nope, the heads on the way to Cowtown are actually severed, stuffed, and mounted, courtesy of the Boone and Crockett Club, which scores game animals and publishes a record book that determines who gets bragging rights for the biggest kills. The club is coming to Cabela’s Fort Worth in May to show off its trophy collection.

So, why not kill two elk with one bullet and let the Boone/Crockett types measure some other carcasses while they’re in town? As long as Static can name the category, of course.

And that is – Biggest Screwing of Taxpayers. A tough call. Should Cabela’s, RadioShack, or Pier 1 win for convincing gullible city leaders to give away millions upon millions of dollars worth of corporate welfare tax breaks?

Well, let’s see, RadioShack recently announced another round of layoffs, making that about 700 lopped heads in the past year. This after panhandling upward of $70 million in tax breaks. Or should Pier 1 win for its long run of year-end losses, store closures, and job cuts? Then again, Cabela’s laid off 30 employees shortly after opening. That takes gall after begging the city for more than $30 million in tax breaks. Sounds like city leaders drove a hard bargain – “You must lay off one employee for every $1 million in tax breaks we give you, or it’s no deal!”

Gee, wonder if Cabela’s has room for any more stuffed heads on its walls?

Electro-Cute Worries

The 13-year-old girl who complained about being tied up, gagged, and shocked by a Taser during a sleepover in Grapevine last month might have turned the other cheek, so to speak, had she been assaulted with the cute little pink stun gun currently being marketed by Taser International. The company claims its weapons are safe alternatives to firearms (even as people across the country continue to drop dead after being tasered). Police have taken to the stun guns, saying they come in handy during situations that don’t warrant gunplay. And, after all, why lecture a 21-year-old man for petty theft when you can temporarily paralyze him with a jolt of electricity and deliver some good old-fashioned street justice, as Fort Worth Police Officer P.R. Genualdo did?

Nationwide, cops have become zap-happy, sending jolts through everyone from disturbed children to senior citizens who didn’t move fast enough. But now some of those same police are worried about Taser International’s new consumer weapon called the C2, a palm-sized stun gun that comes in nifty colors like metallic pink, electric blue, and “black pearl.” The zappers are worried about becoming the zappees. State Rep. Lon Burnam has introduced bills seeking to regulate consumer use of stun guns. Of course, the manufacturer doesn’t envision citizens attacking police with stun guns, and company board chairman Tom Smith said the C2′s petite size and marvy colors minimize the weapon’s threatening aspect and makes people “comfortable with it.”

What a concept. Maybe regular ammo manufacturers could start painting smiley faces on their hollow-points.


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