Off Asides On Dallas Cowboys vs. Saints, Divine Intervention

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Posted November 11, 2013 by Jeff Prince in Blotch
DEAR GOD, PLEASE HEAL SEAN LEE QUICKLY. THE COWBOYS SEASON DEPENDS ON IT. AMEN. (WikipediaDEAR GOD, PLEASE HEAL SEAN LEE QUICKLY. THE COWBOYS SEASON DEPENDS ON IT. AMEN. (Wikipedia

Before we get into this week’s Off Asides, I have breaking news to report: Tony Romo’s mom has filed a bullying complaint against the New Orleans Saints after last night’s unsportsmanlike 49-17 drubbing of the ‘Boys.

In the first half, Romo didn’t complete a pass to a wideout, threw for 20 yards, and failed to convert a third down situation. He let a 10-7 early lead evaporate in the blink of an I-formation, and ended up throwing for a total of 128 yards and one touchdown. His quarterback rating was listed merely as WTF.

However, the blame for this loss falls squarely on the shoulders of former TCU standout David Hawthorne, now a starting linebacker for the Saints.

Hawthorne was scratched from the starting lineup after an unusual injury last week.  He “smashed his baby toe into the bed post — as strange as that sounds for an NFL player — and he hasn’t been able to practice,” a game announcer said.

The unfortunate loss of a Texas Christian University guy on a team named the Saints spurred the Supreme Being Of Your Choice toward divine intervention.

To make up for Hawthorne’s loss, God evened up things by taking out a Cowboys linebacker.

Unfortunately, he took out the best linebacker Sean Lee, who has been valiantly propping up this gimpy and hodgepodge defense all season.

Lee went down with a hamstring injury, and the Cowboys collectively and immediately cratered.

And then God went from divine intervention to just flat-out being mean, and down went another Cowboys linebackers, James Durant.

Why, God?

Is it because Rob Ryan reminds you of Moses? Or because Jerry Jones reminds you of Cain?


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