What an F’d Up Time To Be Alive: Glad We’re in It Together.

I’m not sure if it’s the recent inclement-weather lockdown making everyone stir-crazy or the current political climate that is, let’s just say, decidedly not cool, but things are looking kind of unhinged for Valentine’s Day. Oh, sure. You can do a bit of wining and dining, which we’ll get to next week in Eats & Drinks. (What? Like you procrastinators are really making reservations this week?) Odd events are afoot. You guys are weird!

For starters, Tarrant County’s favorite penal colonist, Joseph Maldonado-Passage, a.k.a. Joe Exotic, from Tiger King, who was convicted of 19 counts of this, that, and the other and is currently serving his 21-year federal prison sentence at the Federal Medical Center (FMC) right here in Fort Worth, wants to make your Valentine’s dreams come true. He posted on Instagram that he will be doing live calls from prison in exchange for donations now thru Sat, Feb 28, at $25 for five minutes or $50 for 10. Joe says he is trying to raise $200K toward his legal expenses. Uh, where do we sign up, I guess? That would be via Cash App, PayPal, or Venmo. Fans are instructed to send payment, then DM a screenshot of the receipt to his Facebook team (search for “Joe Exotic”) to schedule the call.

Capitalizing on the rare occurrence of Friday the 13th and Valentine’s Day falling back to back, Cutting Edge Haunted House (1701 E Lancaster Av, Fort Worth, 817-348-8444) is inviting you to “the scariest date night of the year” on Fri, Feb 13, and Sat, Feb 14. Rather than the standard horror scenes, there will be a dark-romance-themed 55-minute walkthrough that promises to test couples’ nerves. Tickets for specific time slots are $37.96 per person (all-inclusive price after fees) at CuttingEdgeHauntedHouse.com.

If the thought of Queen’s A Night at the Opera conjures memories of the B-side “I’m in Love with My Car” rather than “Bohemian Rhapsody,” then this is the event for you. And you’re probably going solo. On Sat, Feb 14, from 10am to 1pm, the DFW Car & Toy Museum (2550 McMillan Pkwy, Fort Worth, 817-834-3625) hosts Ferraris & Forever, a celebration of speed, style, and timeless design. Along with the more than 200 classic and exotic cars already on display, there will be a special Ferrari exhibit, live music, photo ops, sweet treats, and themed drinks. The museum is dog-friendly, and admission is always free.

Along with a host of Valentine’s-themed upcoming shows, Big Laugh Comedy Club (604 Main St, Ste 100, Fort Worth, 817-840-7998) has a wild night planned for Sun, Feb 15. At 8pm in the Funky Room will be Sidepiece Sunday: A Comedy Show for the Other Person, where you can “end Valentine’s weekend laughing instead of explaining.” You are invited to come with your person or your other plans for a no-labels, no-pressure evening of stand-up comedy about messy relationships, situationships, secrets, and the things people pretend are not happening. Tickets start at $20 at FortWorth.BLComedy.com.