Last night was the premiere of CMT’s Texas Women, a reality show filmed around Fort Worth about four young, attractive women who drink and curse a lot and constantly boast that Texas is in their blood. I’ll begin the Weekly coverage with a synopsis of the first episode. I apologize in advance if I get the names wrong, because I honestly can’t tell these girls apart.
First, let me introduce the cast. There’s Brooke, the buxom rodeo barrel racer who sounds like Jennifer Tilly without the theater training. Her favorite hobby is riding in a golf cart with her husband while he blows up gopher holes on his farm. Don’t confuse her with Anna, a buxom stock contractor (she raises rodeo broncos) who’s just trying to make it in a man’s world. (Money quote: “I get dirty and sweaty. I think that’s hot”). Poor Hannah a.k.a. “Hurricane Hannah” is listed only as “party girl” in the identifying shots. After a couple of drinks, she requires subtitles to be understood by viewers. The most sympathetic one seems to be Ali, an aspiring country singer who pleads to get her new single played on 95.9 The Ranch.
The main source of suspense in Episode One comes from Hannah and Anna, who’ve just become roommates. (Are you following this?). The situation turns tense when they get drunk on Cowboy Cosmos at Reata and smack each other on the forehead – Anna uses a menu, Hannah her open palm. Can they resolve things and heal their 30 minute TV friendship? They can if Hannah will only understand that Anna was trying to impart a lesson with her smack, namely: “You know what life is? Life is getting thumped in the fucking forehead.” Which is exactly what my mother told me.
Stay tuned, ya’ll.