Loose Lips Float Ships (Just Not Yours)

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Posted June 10, 2009 by Anthony Mariani in Blotch

Kendra Wilkinson, Speidi, Kim Kardashian, LC –– just a few of the names that recently appeared on MSN.com’s homepage. I’ve seen them all before, the names. What bothers me is WHY I’m seeing them and why I KEEP seeing them. Because Wilkinson has developed a new, safer treatment for a debilitating illness? Because Kardashian has composed a groundbreaking symphony? Because LC has qualified for the 2010 Vancouver Olympics? No. But because, well, I’m not really sure.

Look, we all love gossip. Rather, we all love gossiping. And the great thing about tabloid culture is that we’re allowed to gossip about people –– LC, Speidi, whomever –– without fear of retribution, without fear that we will become subjects of gossip. It’s the best of both worlds (‘cause, let’s face it, gossiping is instinctual). And you have to admit that gossiping about C-list no-talents who neither know nor care what we little people think of them is better than gossiping about our friends, family members, and neighbors, who can exact very real and possibly very painful revenge on us, which overall, if allowed to proceed untreated, would make for a rather scary, tenebrous society. The thing that bothers me is that Kendra –– and LC and Kardashian –– are no more or less talented than the rest of us are but, because they’re famous for doing who knows what (getting naked on camera or doing something else that requires absolutely zero skill, like having breasts), they don’t have to wake up to the very real problems that the rest of us do: seemingly insurmountable debt, soul-destroying jobs, heart-wrenching loneliness …

Boo-hoo, right? The world’s not fair. Yadda yadda. Still, I’d like to think that if we all committed to avoiding C-list celeb gossip –– just a little –– Speidi, LC, and their ilk would go away, leaving us either to go against our instincts and not gossip at all or take our chances with our friends, family members, and neighbors –– at least they can’t make money off our loose lips.


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