Saggy Pants Are Just the Start

Posted May 30, 2012 by Jimmy Fowler in Blotch

CAN THE T PLEASE BAN THESE, TOO? YUCK.

Are you better off now than you were one year ago? If so, you can probably credit that vague sense of well-being to the Fort Worth Transportation Authority’s ban on wearers of saggy pants, which took effect in late May of 2011. After all, there is nothing more heinous in a world of high unemployment, crazy climate change weather, and extreme political gridlock than seeing the top half of a young person’s underwear in public.

Since hot weather is upon us, can the T expand its list of sartorial sins to include those committed by middle-aged people a.k.a. my peers? At least saggy pants violators keep their flesh covered. When the temps climb above 90, some forty-plus-year-old Fort Worthers lose their inhibitions where exposing pale, stretch mark- and cellulite-covered bulges is concerned, be it via shorts, tank tops, or sleeveless t’s. Flip flops gross the hell out of me, too, especially if your feet look like lime-encrusted prehensile stumps. Public transportation in Fort Worth would be nirvana if we can eject these offenders, too.