Powerball Fever: Epidemic of Losers

Posted November 28, 2012 by JIMMY FOWLER in Blotch

Look, I’d like to win $500 million as much as the next working-class shlub, but I seem to be immune from the “Powerball Fever” that North Texas TV news broadcasts have diagnosed in advance of tonight’s drawing. I’m afraid that buying a Powerball ticket will make me become one of those people interviewed by TV reporters while buying a Powerball ticket — standing in line for my mid-afternoon Marlboros and Mad Dog; anxiously checking my cell for irate texts from the p.o. lady; hoping I can get back to the halfway house before the commercials end and Judge Judy resumes.

I’m not saying that buying a Powerball ticket makes you a loser. I’m saying that it might turn you into an even bigger loser than you already are, especially if you win. Woeful tales of “Lottery Curse” victims are always fun, and here are ten people who briefly tasted the high roller life before hitting the skids. Lessons learned include: Don’t buy “a hideous mansion, tons of crack, rottweilers, and other white-trash accessories” with your new fortune. And above all, don’t grope some woman at the dog track, because she might i.d. you as the latest Powerball winner and sue the crap out of you. Envy is an ugly thing.


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