June is National Adopt-a-Cat Month, a drive being marked by Animal Care and Control of Fort Worth, among other local pet entities. A lot of people have a kneejerk aversion to cats, but years of unscientific observation have lead me to one sweeping conclusion: Cats are cooler than dogs. In fact, dogs may be the most overrated mammals on the planet. (With the possible exception of horses).
Owning a dog is like opening your home to a really hairy in-law with a low IQ: They’ll be affectionate to anyone who feeds them, which makes the whole arrangement feel arbitrary and, after a while, kind of burdensome. Adopting a cat, meanwhile, is like reuniting with that quietly judgmental ex-boyfriend or girlfriend who was always withholding a little from the relationship. When a cat finally does dole out some t.l.c., it feels like you’ve passed a test and been validated as an interesting, quality person.
Dogs are loyal and cheerful; cats are neurotic and fear change. Therefore, cat people are more emotionally complex and sophisticated than dog lovers. It just makes sense, folks.