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There could be drought, hail, hurricanes, and tornadoes. Plagues of locusts could alight and the sky rain frogs. The sun could rise in the west and set in the east and the Trinity River Authority build bridges over dry land. The Fort Worth City Council could try to outlaw gas drilling and the school board join hands to sing kumbaya — and there would still be an overpopulation of Turkeys in North Texas. If these birds were a field crop, the government would be paying people not to plant them. Yea, verily.

But lawd, lawd, do they all have to try to drive on I-35 at rush hour? Do the engineers really have to make the lanes both tiny and twisty at the same time? Have they ever measured the apparent width of 18-wheelers trying to negotiate the Grand Prix-like turns of those construction zones? Do they know the catastrophe they court by allowing interstate lanes to peter out with no warning, while motorists try to figure out whether to follow faded (non-operative) lane lines, asphalt patch lines or just go with what the guy in front of them does? These people do not really like actual motorists. Thus endeth the rant.

And after all, why complain? It doesn’t change anything, and besides, it provides us with another healthy crop of Turkey Awards, which we hand out annually as our tongue-in-cheek trophies. As always, governments figure heavily in these prizes, although college officials, gas drillers, sports figures, media types, and various civilian wingnuts come in for their share.

This year’s spread was compiled by Fort Worth Weekly staffers and freelance writers. We hope you enjoy them. But remember the traditional warning: We recommend consuming this compilation after dinner, with Rolaids at the ready. — Gayle Reaves

 

12 COMMENTS

    • This white Republican fully supports your right to issue blanket condemnations of people based on their race and political affiliation. I admire your tolerance and open mindedness.

      • What is true is true, Peckerwoods and Baggers and Repugs are like ham and eggs and toast. What’s new here? Live with it. You’re like a drunkard lying in a pool of vomit and urine saying ‘two beers…I just had two beers’. I got you on my Prayer list.

  1. 1. You left out the best part about Amy Kushnir, the bimbo who walked off the set after whining about Michael Sam. She is the daughter of Robert Tilton. Yeah. That Robert Tilton.
    2. Fort Worth won’t regulate payday lenders because CashAmerica lives here and pays politicians and their friends.
    3. So what is it about the stunning nepotism at the Trinity River Vision? I have wondered for years why the most qualified person to run that boondoggle is apparently the son of the politician who corrals the jack for it. And NOBODY seems to notice or say anything about it. Is that what they mean when they say something is being done “the Fort Worth way?”

  2. Aren’t these Turkey of the Year awards supposed to be at least somewhat funny?

    This entire article is a snooze fest lacking in any originality whatsoever.

    I should end my post with a pithy one liner like Dud Kennedy ends his lame columns.

    Go and suck no more.

    I’m sorry that’s all I got.

    Blah.

  3. This would be kind of interesting if it contained at least two female turkey politicians: 1) Poor little gobbler Wendy Davis couldn’t even flap her vestigial turkey wings hard enough to get her “gobbler-natorial” campaign for governor off of the ground. (and just to be fair and bipartisan) 2) Konni (aka Kooki) Burton will be interesting to watch as she does her amateur turkey trot around any real issues in the Texas state senate as the newly minted but poorly informed Dist 10 senator.

  4. Giving Thanks to the Fort Worth Weekly for this article- it is important that you keep highlighting the abuses in Tarrant County Probate Courts, sadly these courts are not the only ones who abuses their power- see the links below- Probate judges, lawyers, thrid party guardians, have become nothing more than a legal industry profiting off of the elderly, disabled and deceased with little to no accountability. Here are links that will inform and hopefully prepare you and your family for what to expect from a Probate Court that is far from Justice if you believe it even exists in these courts.

    http://www.estateofdenial.com/2014/11/27/thanksgiving-brings-special-appreciation-for-those-exposing-probate-abuse/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+EstateOfDenial+%28Estate+of+Denial%29

  5. The Weekly really is our only voice of sanity in this City. The nepotism and corruption is so pervasive it borders on incest. And we wonder why we have such failing schools.

    • Fort Worth/Tarrant County is staunchly corrupt; much is always a secret. It is pervasive, encompassing the FW public schools, DA’s office, PD and City Council.

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