I suppose it’s not uncommon to have the “this team drives me to drinkin’ ” feelies about your favorite sports franchise, but the Cowboys’ 27-17 nationally televised ass-whoopin’ at the hands of the lowly Arizona Cardinals on Monday Night Football was, for me, a new low. That nauseating spectacle helped me find the bottom of a freshly opened bottle of $8 Yellow Tail. Not a normal-sized bottle either. A two-fer 1.5-liter magnum big boy like your auntie leaves at Thanksgiving, no less. It’s desperate times.
Now, the difficulty of enduring the resulting hangover is second only to the despair I feel watching the prospects of the 2025 season fading to a flicker. It won’t be long before they wink out entirely.
Entering this past Monday’s beatdown, as we sat straddling the halfway point of the season, the optimistic consensus surrounding Dallas was that they possessed a truly elite offense, one powered by a rejuvenated running game, a pair of Pro Bowl-caliber receivers, and a quarterback making a legitimate run at MVP. The downside was that all this firepower was being completely neutralized by a historically bad defense, one wrought from undisciplined and talent-poor personnel, forced into repetitive failure in attempting to execute an ill-fitting zone-heavy scheme.
With one side of the ball ranked second in the entire NFL and the other wallowing around 31st, even the most Kool-Aid®-drunk fan might appreciate the ironic symmetry. It’s an almost comically inverse relationship, manifesting itself into a mirroring up-and-down, loss-followed-by-win (or tie?), zig-zagging success rate, which had resulted in Dallas’ middling 3-4-1 record. With the offense routinely scoring north of 30 every game, it led to many fans wondering what could be “If only the defense could improve to middle-of-the-road …”
Aiding some of those optimistic what-ifs was perhaps some fool’s-gold confidence brimming after DC Matt Eberflus’ crew was able to hold an impotent Jets squad and an injury-depleted Commanders offense largely in check. These low-bar feats added to what in hindsight was an obviously misguided impression: that Dallas’ defense just might be starting to turn a corner.
Despite some of that optimism being brought back down to earth in Denver last Sunday via a smackdown by the Broncos — a team squarely in the mix for a first-round bye in the playoffs — Jerry Jones did his part to re-chum the waters prior to this week’s tilt against Arizona, floating to the press that he’d pulled the strings on some forthcoming deadline deals that might help turn Flus’ squad’s fortunes around. Could it be one or two of the names churning ’round the rumor mill of late? Top-tier edge rushers like would-be Cincinnati escapee Trey Hendrickson or bona fide Vegas psychopath Maxx Crosby, perhaps? Jerruh teased in pregame that fans would just have to wait until Tuesday’s deadline to find out.
Now we know that it’s neither one of those names yet at least one just as splashy. All-Pro J-E-T-S DT Quinnen Williams was Jerry’s presumed initial target in return for cutting bait with Micah Parsons on the eve of the season, and though Jones had to wait two months, the ol’ wildcatter got his guy. Dallas traded failed first-rounder Mazi Smith, a first-round pick, and a second to get the former Big Apple game wrecker. A steep price, but in a vacuum, worth it.
Yet after the past two consecutive public embarrassments — the most recent, driven by one of the Cowboys’ patented we-can-make-a-backup-QB-look-like-vintage-Joe-Montana defensive efforts — it’s hard to see even a top-of-the-position player like Williams being able to make much of a difference. Even considering the less blockbuster addition of Bengals linebacker Logan Wilson — a deal that was reported early Tuesday, which led many confused fans to question, “That’s it? That’s the big trade Jerry was teasing?!” — a drastic turnaround seems unlikely. There remain too many holes on the defensive side of the ball to fill.
After the bye week next week and the cream puff Raiders, the Cowboys’ schedule gets its toughest so far with consecutive games against the Eagles, Chiefs, and Lions. Hard to imagine the Blue and Silver going on a run against the likes of those opponents. However, they aren’t mathematically out of it yet, and I do have to honestly give credit to Jerry for trying to do something. These moves are counter to his usual hubristic refusal to see the reality of the Cowboys’ situation, but it’s likely too little, too late. With the losses to the Bears, Panthers, and now the Cardinals, the damage has likely already been done.
