Following an offseason that legitimately felt different than the generally uninspiring ones we’ve become accustomed to over the previous couple of decades, five weeks into the 2026 season and the results are frustratingly the same. After last week’s 24-16 Thursday Night Football debacle against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the Cowboys sit at a strikingly familiar 2-3 record and third place in their division. Thankfully, Dallas’ bunkmates in the NFC Least seem in similar states of disarray in the young season. So, despite how awful the ’Boys have looked at times, I guess they’re still right in the thick of it.
If only because you can’t build an imperial religious city-state in 24 hours, it would have been realistic to expect a few lingering deficiencies from last season to still haunt Dallas’ new-look defense. Though more than half the starters on that side of the ball played for different teams a year ago and are now being shepherded by a young coordinator who at least was universally respected, it’s hard to see any improvement at all. I don’t think even the most pessimistic Cowboys denigrator could have foreseen just how little seems to have changed. The defenders still don’t know where to line up, who’s supposed to be covering whom, or how to tackle or that it might be a good idea to spy a mobile opposing quarterback, all matters made significantly worse by a recent chomp by the injury bug sending practice-squad bodies back into the starting rotation.
Currently, Christian Parker’s defense sits no better than 29th in any defensive statistical category and ranks dead last in EPA (expected points added), the most informative defensive stat because it accounts for specific downs, distances, and field position. At 0.19, it essentially means opposing offenses put an extra point on the board above the NFL baseline every five plays. It’s … uh … not good, buddy.
Through five games, Parker, the rookie defensive playcaller, has appeared completely out of his depth. His final call in the heartbreaking loss to the Ravens in Week 3 that allowed Lamar Jackson a 27-yard completion to set up the walk-off field goal with just 7 seconds left and the embarrassing third-and-21 conversion gifted to the Bucs’ offense helmed by an undrafted rookie quarterback last week were indefensible, so much so that Jerry Jones was inspired this week to money-whip one of Parker’s mentors out of retirement to become a senior defensive assistant on his staff.
Mike Pettine gave Parker his first job in the NFL in Green Bay back in 2019, so the two have history. In fact, Parker originally tried to court Pettine onto his staff upon his hire, but the former Browns head coach opted for fishing and cracking cold ones over helping revamp Dallas’ historically bad 2025 defense. He probably made the right decision.
Pettine has been fairly successful in his two decades on NFL sidelines, leading the Jets to a top-ranked defense in 2009, and he’s credited with turning Green Bay’s defense around from being ranked 26th in 2017 all the way to ninth by 2019. It’s unclear what Pettine’s specific responsibilities will be on Parker’s staff in regards to scheme and personnel rotation, but if nothing else, having a familiar and trusted mentor to help guide the young DC through challenging situations he’s so far soiled the bed in is a good thing.
In addition to hiring Pettine, it’s being reported that Parker will move from the sideline and call plays from the booth. Hopefully, the new bird’s-eye view will help him realize that zoning coverage 10 yards short and 10 yards beyond the line to gain without anyone at all near the sticks is not a formidable response to a third and 21.
If there were any just football gods, Brian Schottenhiemer is undergoing similar self-evaluation to Parker over the long week off. The Ravens loss is as much on his cowardly redzone playcalling in the final minute as anything the defense allowed over the course of the game. He has practically admitted as much himself. Schotty’s been fairly forthcoming with the media over some of his questionable game management and playcalling so far this year. How much he’s learning from the gaffes and how much it will influence his decisions going forward is the question.
The frustratingly conservative and inconsistent tendencies of his offensive philosophy tend to rear their ugly heads more commonly than they should for a coach with the so-called “decades of experience” he will go out of his way to remind you of. If Schotty was truly self-aware, he’d hand playcalling duties over to offensive coordinator and hot dog enthusiast Klayton Adams and focus on what he does best: vibes. His cool youth-pastor demeanor might be different than the stiff, robotic personality of Jason Garrett, but both are probably better suited to be leaders of men rather than A Beautiful Mind offensive geniuses. There’s no way Adams, the power zone-run guru, would have chosen to pass three straight times at the 1 yard-line. Especially in two different occurrences of this situation.
It’s hard to predict if any of the Cowboys’ current self-reflection will translate into results, but there’s no question they have been in desperate need of it. With games against the surprisingly feeble Packers and Eagles followed by inevitable Top-5 pickers in the Cardinals and Colts, the next four games are an opportunity for Dallas to get right. This godawful defense still has a lot of work left to turn things around. Here’s to hoping Mike Pettine can help them do so.
