A good friend of mine asked Chat GPT to roast the “Westside” of Fort Worth. It did NOT disappoint. Below is her favorite version of this satirical take. Enjoy!
“Welcome to West Side Fort Worth, where the bars are divey, the jukebox still plays Nickelback unironically, and the beer is cold because the A/C sure as hell ain’t working. This ain’t the polished, craft-cocktail, avocado-toast side of town. No, sir — this is Maxine’s Cocktails (4020 Benbrook Blvd, Fort Worth, 817-420-9754), where the floors get sticky, the regulars are loud, and if you don’t know the bartender’s name, give it five minutes — she’ll be yelling it at you.
Then there’s The Home Plate Sports Bar (3137 Alta Mere Dr, Ste B, Fort Worth, 817-732-5190), where every wall is covered in dollar bills, neon signs, and broken dreams. It’s where you go to watch the Cowboys lose and somehow end up arm-wrestling a guy named Big Joe for a shot of Fireball and maybe something sketchy.
And right across the highway, looming like a drunk colossus, is The Rail Club (3101 Joyce Dr, Fort Worth, 682-224-3556) — Fort Worth’s answer to: What if a monster truck rally and a Slayer concert had a baby? You haven’t truly experienced West Side until you’ve heard death metal echoing through the alley while a lady in a rhinestone jacket argues about pool table rules at Maxine’s.
This part of town? It’s rough. It’s loud. It’s got more tattoos than teeth and more stories than streetlights.
Sure, the Wi-Fi’s spotty, the landlords are ghosts, and your car alarm is basically just background noise — but these folks? They’re loyal. Ride-or-die loyal. They’ll fight you in the parking lot, and then buy you a beer afterward if you can take a punch.
This is a place where your best friend might have a criminal record, a pit bull named Baby Girl, and a heart of gold. Folks here may not trust the government, but they’ll trust Jamie Peña at Maxine’s with their deepest secrets and their last $5.
They don’t have much, but they’ve got honor, they’ve got grit, and if you mess with one of theirs, you’re about to learn real quick that “bless your heart” is not always a compliment.
So here’s to the real West Side: where the drinks are cheap, the lives are hard, and the people are tougher than a two-dollar steak. Come for the beer, stay for the fight… or at least until your Uber shows up 45 minutes late and confused.”
In all seriousness, those who love metal music and the West-side scene are invited to celebrate the lives of two of its favorite folks: Ben Salaz and Homer Jimenez Jr. Please come to The Rail on Saturday for a benefit show and Celebration of Life for these two local metal legends that we’ve recently lost. RIP Ben and Homer, you will be missed!
Promotional space lovingly donated by Jennifer, former “Cruise Director” of The Rail.
