SHARE

These days the internet is polluted with angry listicles like “10 Ways to Piss Off Your Bartender,” and “How to Make Your Server Hate You.” Sure, diners and bar customers should know a certain amount of etiquette, but I can’t help feeling that the service-industry culture has gotten a little too precious. It’s as though servers and bartenders have forgotten who is serving whom.

I’ll see your cranky lists and raise you one of my own. As someone who dines out for a living and who worked many years in the restaurant biz, Chow, Baby has developed a list of service peeves the size of the Dead Sea scrolls. On behalf of those of us on the other side of the order pad, here are my top 10 things that wait staffers should stop doing immediately.

1. Don’t touch me. Seriously. A former manager once told me that a simple hand on my guest’s shoulder could raise my tip from 15 to 20 percent. After awkwardly flopping my hand like a dead fish on many customers’ shoulders, I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t true. Unless you’re a server at a strip club or breastraunt, keep your hands to yourself. It just makes things weird.

Hurst G&S Web Ad (300 x 250 px)

2. Don’t crouch down to talk to me. Unless you’re expecting a gunfight to break out, there’s no reason to squat by my table. If you are expecting a firefight, please let me know.

3. I didn’t come to the restaurant to talk to you. I’m cool with a little witty repartee here, but I don’t need you to carry the conversation. I don’t want to hear your life story, chaotic schedule, or how table 12 stiffed you earlier. Let me know about the specials and be available if I have questions.

4. Check back with me a few minutes after the food is dropped off. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to get up and find a server or manager because my steak was cooked incorrectly, the order was wrong, or I was left gazing at lovely food, with no utensils.

5. Don’t hover. I don’t want my water refilled every time I take a sip.

6. You’re not funny. Maybe someone laughs when you refer to women as “girls” or “broads” or fake-compliment mature women by calling them “young ladies,” but I don’t.

7. Don’t always try and up-sell the most expensive thing on the menu: “I’m sorry we’re out of the $6 glass of wine you ordered, but may I recommend the $4,000 bottle of Rothschild as a replacement?” No, you may not.

8. Check your tables before you disappear for 10 minutes. OK, so you have to fold 100 napkins before you leave or you need to feed the nicotine beast — just make sure my table isn’t on fire before you duck out.

9. If you don’t know something, don’t make up the answer. I’m perfectly content to wait while you go ask the kitchen or look something up, rather than finding out, six bites in, that, yes, the food item I’m allergic to is part of the gumbo after all.

10. Tell your customers when a gratuity is included in the bill as presented. It’s sensible for restaurants to write in gratuities for large parties, but I find it criminal when the server neglects to point that out, and the customer unknowingly adds another tip. Getting a “double-grat” that way is a violation of their trust.

Servers and bartenders aren’t the only ones who can get a little sensitive, so let’s make a deal: I’ll promise not to snap my fingers or commit any of the sins on those angry-server lists, if you promise to honor mine. Check, please.

 

Contact Chow, Baby at chowbaby@fwweekly.com

SHARE
Previous articleClearfork Time!
Next articleFilm Shorts

2 COMMENTS

  1. Maybe it’s the entire house, from basement to roof. Maybe it’s a new container pot in a corner of the backyard. Bottom line: You’re proud of this upgrade and you’re ready to tell the world. So do it! Please fill out our . [url=http://www.michaelkorsbags.me]michael kors outlet online[/url] Only the current Masters champion can take his green jacket with him, and Spieth said he takes his with him the majority of the time, especially of late. o [url=http://www.michaelkorsbags.me]michael kors bags[/url]
    Our hearts and prayers are with the families of the 12 men who disappeared last week in the crash of two Marine helicopters off of the North Shore [url=http://www.coachoutletstoreonline.me]coach outlet[/url] We did 30 of those and then heswitched me to stretching by moving side to side holding a woodenbar over my head.
    People’s Champ reunion [url=http://www.michaelkorsbags.me]michael kors outlet[/url] They include such bills as sales factor and infrastructure partnering that were very important to Intel’s growth in the district; TPT reform; limiting property tax growth; and resisting unnecessary regulation. b [url=http://www.coachoutletstoreonline.me]coach outlet store online[/url]
    That’s a lot of work but probably less in the long run than constantly pulling the heads off of the weeds, only to have new ones grow back [url=http://www.michaelkorshandbagstrade.us.com]michael kors outlet[/url] The worst case scenario involved freezing his sperm, he said.
    c OAKLAND, Calif. –Anyone who thought the Golden State Warriors would be content after winning one NBA title was sadly mistaken. [url=http://www.michaelkors.us.org]michael kors bags[/url] Tint World? Contact: Charles J. [url=http://www.michaelkorshandbagsrack.us.com]michael kors online[/url]
    The first-place Capitals have lost back-to-back games just twice this season [url=http://www.coachoutletsonlines.us.org]coach factory outlet[/url] Saturday brings a big test of just how much improvement there has been. http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsrack.us.com
    But Monday night’s “Dancing with the Stars” finals saw the Roseburg resident and his partner earn a perfect score for their freestyle number, and three 9s (out of a maximum of 10s) from the judges for their rumba. [url=http://www.cheapjordanshoes.us.org]cheap jordans[/url] World demand to reach 260 billion square meters in 2019 v [url=http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsbuy.co.uk]louis vuitton outlet online[/url]
    The fact is the Clean Power Plan will barely move the needle on worldwide emissions. [url=http://www.coachfactorysoutlet.com]http://www.coachfactorysoutlet.com[/url] After all, not everyone has a garage they can dedicate to music, and not every band will benefit from the sound that kind of acoustic space produces.
    Waltrip suggested the closure was caused by poor attendance but he said the casino spent millions of dollars outfitting the space and wants to recoup money owed as part of that leasing agreement. [url=http://www.michaelkorshandbagstrade.us.com]michael kors outlet[/url] The TV Column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday.
    Gavilan also tried to trick the public by claiming that the legal requirement for Prop. [url=http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsbuy.co.uk]louis vuitton handbags[/url] The difference was seventh-seeded Saguaro had more leverage than the previous opponent and the Sabercats finally took over the game in the final minutes of the second half when they went 71 yards in 7 plays in 1 minute and 54 seconds as former Padre Byron Murphy hauled in a 3-yard corner route for a 18-14 lead with 1:50 remaining.
    She’s my role model, and all I want to do is make her proud. [url=http://www.michaelkorsbags.me]www.michaelkorsbags.me[/url] People still want access to sources and information.
    f Donations. [url=http://www.cheapjordanshoes.us.org]cheap jordan shoes[/url] “The corridor from Rocky Point to Sonoyta is a critical part of whoever controls the Baja California and Tijuana plaza,” he said.
    Ag jobs, nationally, are $20,000 – $30,000 a year jobs at the basic level, oil exploration jobs are $35,000 – $48,000 a year jobs at the basic level, that’s a heck of a difference for basic level employment. [url=http://www.coachoutletstoreonline.me]coach online store[/url] Passengers must be willing to depart from Gateway at 1:55 a. z [url=http://www.coachoutletonlinebuy.us.com]coach outlet online[/url]
    Dannels says one thing has gotten lost in the discussion about illegal immigration: the growing drug smuggling problem. [url=http://www.coachoutletssonline.us.org]coach outlet online[/url] Techner’s passion to become an athletic trainer started in high school, when she learned about the profession.
    c “That’s going to be the biggest difference,” Tinkle said. “We’ve got a lot of new guys and they’ve got a lot of maturity.” [url=http://www.michaelkors.us.org]www.michaelkors.us.org[/url] He heard people yelling to others to get out of the building, then heard popping, then saw the shooter, a coworker he described as typically pretty calm. r
    Put these factors together, and the conclusion is discouraging: our state faces a succession of difficult budgets, and that increases the chances for continuing budget crisis [url=http://www.raybansunglasses.name]ray ban sunglasses[/url] “For the elite talent, it’s there; I mean they get great competition,” he said. [url=http://www.louisvuittonhandbags.us.org]http://www.louisvuittonhandbags.us.org[/url]
    Herrera relieved and struck out Colabello. With the crowd chanting “Tu-lo! Tu-lo!” Tulowitzki sent a drive to the center-field wall, sending fans into a towel-waving frenzy. [url=http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsrack.us.com]http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsrack.us.com[/url] Forgery was reported at 2:38 p. y [url=http://www.coachhandbags.com.co]http://www.coachhandbags.com.co[/url]
    Thin slices also can be served, uncooked, on an antipasti platter. [url=http://www.michaelkorshandbagsup.us.com]michael kors outlet[/url] Woods fell one spot to No.
    If the economy continues to improve, employers will be forced to pay higher wages to attract workers, he said, noting that we have started to see some wage growth. [url=http://www.raybansunglassesbuy.co.uk]ray ban sunglasses[/url] health care costs have been rising faster than inflation, the prices for many medical devices have been dropping. p [url=http://www.michaelkorshandbagstrade.us.com]michael kors outlet[/url]
    There are also the sort of bins that can be turned with a crank if that is more your speed. [url=http://www.coachstoresonline.com]http://www.coachstoresonline.com[/url] Fernandez/Simonson 8-1; Hein/Humphrys, PV, d.

  2. The White House also announced commitments from the Fraternal Order of Police to expand training on the use of naloxone. Several pharmacy chains, including CVS and RiteAid, have also agreed to expand accessibility of the drug. [url=http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsbuy.us.com]cheap louis vuitton bags[/url] In the kitchen and for the same family: c [url=http://www.coachoutletstores.net.co]coach outlet online[/url]
    DC United will go for its first win of the 2016 MLS season Saturday at New England, a match that can be seen on NewsChannel 8 starting at 3. [url=http://www.raybanoutlet.name]ray ban sunglasses[/url] David Maka, a defensive tackle from Tustin, Calif.
    Now, seeing as we’re comfortably into the 21st century, Time’s editors have decided to get some help from readers via . That certainly should shake things up. Everybody ready for Kim Kardashian to be Time’s person of the year? [url=http://www.cheapmichaelkorsbags.us.com]www.cheapmichaelkorsbags.us.com[/url] Anthony Rapp plays Lucas, Elizabeth’s close friend from college. p [url=http://www.coachoutletstores.net.co]coach outlet store[/url]
    “There wasn’t anything that we wouldn’t have done for him,” Stephayne Potts said [url=http://o.storeonlinecc.com]oakley outlet[/url] Dumping the Maxwell and Murray deals were major wins for the Eagles.
    q One day she met an AIDS orphan, a gorgeous, determined toddler who was free of the virus but without a family. [url=http://www.raybanoutlet.name]www.raybanoutlet.name[/url] Although recycled fibers do not retain sufficient strength to be utilized indefinitely, they can be used several times over, giving them an advantage in areas where environmental considerations are an important part of the packaging selection process. [url=http://www.coachhandbags.com.co]coach outlet online[/url]
    The first closing will occur upon receipt of the necessary approvals from the Venaxis shareholders, receipt of all other required approvals and satisfaction of identified closing conditions. [url=http://www.coachoutlet.cc]www.coachoutlet.cc[/url] L Mejia. http://www.coachoutletonlinebuy.us.com
    “I mean, I can walk,” he said. “I’m a little sore.” [url=http://www.michaelkorsbags.me]michael kors bags[/url] Knight will start Saturday and McKinney on Sunday. a [url=http://www.raybanoutlet.name]http://www.raybanoutlet.name[/url]
    Hershey, which trailed 3-2 in the second period, responded with three goals in the second period of Travis Boyd, Zach Sill and Riley Barber for a 5-3 lead. [url=http://www.coachfactorysoutlet.com]coach outlet online[/url] He graduated from Purdue and landed a summer job working in Jeff Gordon’s old race shop in Pittsboro.
    Rated R [url=http://www.coachoutletstores.net.co]coach outlet store[/url] Watson said he has been placing flags on the graves of Poyen veterans for many years.
    Coronado Beach, on a peninsula across the bay from San Diego, California2. [url=http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsbuy.co.uk]louis vuitton outlet[/url] 5%indicating they had no confidence in the ability of Jenkins tocontinue to lead the college.
    As a Board member I would like to know from you, the Editorial Board, if there is a case where you have tried to reach out to our Administration and been stonewalled. [url=http://www.michaelkorsbag.us.org]michael kors outlet online[/url] “On behalf of the dedicated employees and Board of Directors of Soligenix, thank you for your patience and continued support of the Company,” stated Christopher J.
    r (Dennis Pillion | dpillion@al. [url=http://www.raybanoutlet.name]ray ban sunglasses[/url] But its appeal in Tucson is undeniable; if you live in Southern Arizona, you move the envy-needle by telling friends you are spending the week at the MGM Grand and watching the Cats play.
    The San Tan Shredders mountain biking group invites all beginning riders to join them on a beginner mountain biking course. [url=http://www.michaelkorshandbags.us.org]michael kors handbags[/url] Stop the Rot is calling for major supermarkets to:Regularly publish their in-store and supply chain’s food waste data, including collaborating to measure food waste on farms by 2018 to enable targeted reductionCommit to ambitious targets to reduce their own stores’ and their manufacturing suppliers’ food waste by 30% by 2025SEE ALSO: w [url=http://www.coachfactorysoutlet.com]coach factory outlet[/url]
    Sometimes witnesses never testify at all, something Louis Marshall, the Bonner County Prosecuting Attorney knows too well. [url=http://www.louisvuitton-outlet.us.org]louis vuitton outlet[/url] Saturday, April 21Where: Tempe Beach Park, Mill Avenue Rio Salado Parkway, TempeCost: $40 general admission; free for children 10 and younger.
    i Peter Gammons doesn’t think that the Miami Marlins will trade ace Jose Fernandez who has been linked to several teams, including the Boston Red Sox, in trade rumors. [url=http://www.coachhandbags.com.co]coach outlet[/url] Simon Mooney, Bentonville, 56. u
    INTENDED AUDIENCEThe report is designed to assist decision-makers in the fermentation industry by providing background information to be considered in capacity expansions, when entering into or exiting from the business of fermentation products and ingredients. [url=http://www.michaelkorsbags.me]michael kors bags[/url] I learned some other simple exercises such asbench step-overs and Gabe says soon I will be doing jump-overs! Ireally like how he is challenging me in different ways, not?makingme do anything predictable or anything overly complicated. [url=http://www.raybansunglasses.name]ray ban sunglasses[/url]
    During a life-changing 11 months, has become a reality. [url=http://www.coachhandbags.net.co]coach outlet store online[/url] Maull said he slammed on the brakes to stop the car and the man jumped back into the front seat, the affidavit said. c [url=http://www.louisvuittonbagsbuy.us.com]louis vuitton outlet online[/url]
    Viewers tune in to chat and watch people eat, and donate cash-redeemable “star balloons” to the eaters. [url=http://www.louisvuitton-outlet.us.org]http://www.louisvuitton-outlet.us.org[/url] His naivety led to some comical moments in the studio, like the night that Lennon, high on LSD, complained of feeling ill.
    New Englad takes back the lead with 5:55 remaining in the third quarter with a 6-yard run from James White. [url=http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsbuy.co.uk]louis vuitton handbags[/url] Maryland 246, 125 Big Ten had lost three of four since climbing to No. b [url=http://www.michaelkorshandbagsup.us.com]michael kors outlet[/url]
    Police said the man entered a Cricket Wireless store in west Philadelphia and stabbed a man in the chest who was paying his bill, then climbed into a car and stabbed the driver in each hand before heading to a nearby mechanic and stabbing 30-year-old Nathan Ackison in the chest as he was watching repairs on his car. [url=http://www.coachoutletstoreonline.me]www.coachoutletstoreonline.me[/url] If the blue line in the Usage History is half way up or higher, adding more RAM should provide you with a noticeable improvement in speed.

LEAVE A REPLY