Left-wing Hollywood celebrities sure get annoying with all their talk about saving rain forests and Darfur and Katrina victims and protecting the planet from global warming and blah blah blah blah blah.

Hey, can’t they just go read some boring Shakespeare sonnets under a bridge somewhere and leave us alone? These loudmouth liberals – George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Harrison Ford, Susan Sarandon, you know the type – always side with the underdog and never give any respect to the corporate polluters, demigods, and power- mongers of this great nation.

Thank God for Texas-born actor Tommy Lee Jones, who has come along and made us all proud by selling his soul to Chesapeake Energy and joining that company’s massive, multi-gazillion-dollar marketing campaign to convince everyone that Chesapeake and other gas drillers are saviors come to drill for natural gas underneath Tarrant County and supposedly lessen our reliance on foreign countries for energy resources. You da man, Tommy Lee!


Compassion, environmentalism, and common sense are for she-men wimps. Takes a real Texan to celebrate corporate greed, bullying tactics, unfair laws, paid-off politicians, and the energy industry’s complete lack of concern for quality of life in urban areas. At least ol’ Jones did his homework: Chesapeake’s press release described how the gravelly voiced actor “conducted his own research on both the benefits and inconveniences of urban drilling” by submitting a questionnaire to the company and personally interviewing Chesapeake CEO Aubrey McClendon.
Wow, sounds like relentless research. Static wishes tough-guy Jones would kick his own ass for being such a shill.

Sky(-box) High
According to Street & Smith’s Sports Business Journal, Dallas Cowboys’ owner Jerry Jones will be setting a new record in terms of having money fly into his pocket, via his new stadium in Arlington.

Miller Brewing, which already has exclusive rights to sell beer at Texas Stadium (all Miller products, of course), will retain exclusive rights to peddle its brewskis at the new stadium for 10 years to the tune of $8 million a year. Put another way, Jerry gets $1 million for every home game for your right to pay, oh, probably about seven bucks a bottle.

Street & Smith’s says this deal is likely the largest sponsorship deal ever for a U.S. sports team outside of stadium-naming rights. Cowboys’ fans have been complaining that the expensive personal-seat licenses and ticket prices are moving the average fan further away from the team, hence Static’s concern. If Miller is paying Jerry $8 million a year, we all know how Miller’s going to recoup its expenses: Seven bucks a bottle might be a conservative estimate.

Or perhaps Jerry can go the philanthropic route. That $8 million would buy about 13.3 million six-packs. Buy us a few rounds, Jerry, while we take in Cowboys games from the comfort of our couches or bar stools, and we’ll toast you as our great benefactor. Otherwise, we’ll stop paying attention to the Jessica/Tony love affair, TO’s bad sitcom acting, Pacman’s penchant for raining cash upon unsuspecting strippers, and all of the other things that make Cowboys football such a spectacle.

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