Let me apologize up front if any readers are offended by the “H” word in the post headline. If you didn’t already know, I’m gay, I play for the pink team, I’ve got sugar in my shorts, etc etc.
I just couldn’t resist the above rhyme after hanging on for half an hour during Channel 5’s “First at Four” newscast to find out what “the latest rumors swirling around Tony Romo” were. It’s true, I’ve got gay on the brain, though sometimes it seems like the whole world does, too. But tell me this teaser isn’t more than a bit suggestive: “Coming up, the latest rumors swirling around Tony Romo. And they have nothing to do with football. We’re setting the record STRAIGHT.” (That’s almost a verbatim quote, with my caps added).
Turns out those rumors involved Romo getting engaged to his latest female squeeze when, in reality, they were just dating. BOR-ING! The only interesting hetero pro athlete right now is Tiger Woods, and that’s because his heterosexuality seems sorta pathological.
Santa, if you’re listening, here’s my wish: Let some major pro athlete come out in 2010. (Yes, Virginia, there are indeed gay pro athletes – even football players). A famous retired one will do. Much as I approve of Adam Lambert scandalizing prime time viewers with fellatio mime, America needs its jock consciousness rocked hard. Only a celebrated gay tight end or wide receiver can do that. (Don’t blame me, sports fans. I didn’t invent those gay-sounding team positions).