Note to all employers out there – don’t hire deadbeats named Sarah or Andy.
And watch out for lazy bums named Steve and Becky.
A recent study says women named Sarah, and men named Andy are most likely to call in and miss work.
Steves and Beckys come in second, followed by Pauls and Annes, Johns and Emmas, and Daves and Debbies.
Of course, if you’re named Jeff, such as this trusty blogger, you’re not on the Lazy List. You see, Jeffs work their asses off.
Here’s the full list, in order of slothfulness:
MEN — Andy, Steve, Paul, John, Dave, Christopher, Adam, David, Mark, Richard, Tom, Ben, Ian, Alex, James, Alan, Simon, Dan, Michael, and Daniel
WOMEN – Sarah, Becky, Anne, Emma, Debbie, Katie, Amy, Catherine, Jane, Nicola, Lisa, Julia, Linda, Anna, Michelle, Andrea, Louise, Samantha, Fiona, Lucy
In the interest of fairness, I tried to call some of my friends who made the list. Alas, none of them were at work, or at least they weren’t answering their phones.
Amys are seventh on the women’s list, and Fort Worth Weekly production artist Amy Royer sits on the other side of my cubicle.
“Hey Amy, why are you so likely to call in sick?” I holler across the partition.
“It’s because I have anal glaucoma – I can’t see my ass coming into work,” she said.
A few minutes later, Weekly intern Sarah Perry finally got around to returning my call. She disputed the study.
“I never call in sick,” she said. “I’ve worked at Chili’s for two years and I’ve only called in sick once.”
However, she said the Hebrew meaning for Sarah is “princess” and she admitted that perhaps “a princess doesn’t think she needs to work.”