Some local news tidbits raise more questions than they answer, especially when they end with a curt statement like: “We will have no further comment.” That can roughly be translated as: “Yes, there are more embarrassing details, but you can’t pry them out of us with a crowbar.” August is a slow news month, so I’ll bite –– what kind of “inappropriate horseplay” leads to six lifeguards at Arlington’s Hurricane Harbor getting injured badly enough to warrant emergency room treatment last night?

I’m not asking this as a concerned adult. No, the high school gossip in me craves juicy details on what stupid but entertaining thing these young employees did at 10pm on the Harbor’s Tornado ride. Did all six pile in one raft, causing them to get stuck inside the funnel? Were bodies dangling over the edge at any point during the ride’s seven-story liftoff? And exactly how much Cuervo was consumed? If this incident is going to become the stuff of “dumb stunt” legend in Arlington, the facts must come out now.