Do I trust Texas drivers to stick to an 85 mph speed limit? Sure… in a 65 mph zone. Much national handwringing has occurred over a new 41-mile stretch of toll road between Austin and San Antonio that, as of today, boasts America’s highest speed limit. As a native Texan, I’ve already been practicing on local back roads. I’ve even passed the true Texas driver’s test — I can load a gun, search the U.S Constitution for violations by Democrats, and top off the speedometer at the same time.
I hope that no orphans, nuns, or senior citizens plan to get stranded on Highway 130, because they will become asphalt pudding. Safety will not be the top concern here. A driver’s attention will be centered on three spots –– the driver’s side windshield looking for cop cars; the rearview mirror looking for cop cars; and the speedometer dial checking to make sure they’re driving no faster than 97 mph, because 100 mph would be dangerous and crazy, right? Let the race begin!