By now, Texas voters are accustomed to making excuses to themselves during primary season: “Of course the Republican candidates’ TV ads are so extreme –– primaries always bring out the party’s hardcore base.” Or, “that’s the Tea Party at work, pushing Republican candidates to sound tough until the winners of the party nom reposition themselves more moderately in the general election.” And so forth and so on.

But the target audience for the current crop of TV ads aren’t just “Republican primary voters” and “Tea Partiers,” they’re your relatives, co-workers, neighbors, fellow citizens, co-participants in democracy. And if the Texas Republican candidates are correct in their pandering, these particular voters are a royal bunch of Blue Ribbon Assholes. Apparently, they get off on the idea of denying health care to poor people, gutting basic standards of clean air and water, and rounding up illegal immigrants (here so they can work cheaply for Republican business owners) and shipping them back (with or without their families). And that’s just one ad for Todd Staples, candidate for lieutenant governor. The sick joke underlying all of it? Many, if not most, of these people claim to be Christians. Jeebus would not approve, ya’ll.

And apparently, a large number of them are very proud racists. It’s not enough that a certain North Texas daily has denounced Tea Party favorite Ted Nugent for calling America’s current biracial president “a subhuman mongrel.” Nugent was stumping for Greg Abbott, who himself refuses to denounce the scummy musician’s words. You can’t just chalk that up to the candidate playing it safe. At this point, does anyone expect Abbott to lose the nom for governor? Not that I’ve heard.


The math is simple: You enlist the aid of a racist celebrity; you stand by silently smiling while he makes racist statements; ergo, you are a racist. The ball is in Abbott’s court to prove he’s not a bigot. Frankly, I’d be happy to dismiss all of this as typical Republican bullshit, if the rest of the country weren’t shaking their heads saying: “That’s Texas for you.”


  1. Leave Abbott alone. He’s just a fan of the artistic song writing genius of Ted in WANG DANG SWEET POONTANG.

    Wang dang sweet poontang
    Wang dang sweet poontang

    Alright baby, you see what I’ve got here in my hands
    I’ve got it right in my hands, this is for you, baby
    I think I am gonna yank, on a wanton, look out

    Wang dang, what a sweet poontang
    A shakin’ my thang, as a rang
    A dang, dang, in the bell

    She’s so sweet when she yanks on my meat
    But down on the street, you know she can’t be beat
    What the hell

    • With sophisticated, intellectual and thought provoking lyrical content like that, how could anyone even begin to criticize Nugent and his all knowing, all seeing political wisdom? We should all do the Wango Tango and join the White Confederate Knights Of Racial Purity, or whoever, right?

  2. Shame on Michigan for letting him out of the state, though I understand why they’d want him to leave and shame on Texas for giving him the publicity he so desperatly graves.Too bad his parents didn’t leave him on the side of a hill when he was a baby.

  3. As someone who has lived their whole life up until recently in one of those states that so often says “that’s Texas for you”, it’s refreshing to know that not EVERYONE in texas thinks that Nugent’s comments were somehow, in some way acceptable. Because, yes, in other states people point to texas (with Florida as a close runner up) as the country’s most bigoted, backwards thinking, un progressive, corporate butt kissing state in the union. It would be nice if that perception could change someday. Of course for that to happen prominent candidates for governor would have to stop enlisting morons like Nugent to stump for them.

  4. I may be one of the “assholes” that Jimmy so eloquently refers to in the article, but I still believe it is more important to look at the record of the candidate than the “celebrities” that support them. Criticism of Nugent is a diversion – even by some in Abbott’s own party. Wendy Davis has done absolutely nothing to clean up the corruption and back door influence peddling in Fort Worth – certainly not in FWISD. No reason to believe the Gov’s mansion would change that. That’s why I cannot support her.

  5. This is interesting: Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, and Rick Perry have all decided to get off the Nugent train. They all denounced his comments, and Perry (of all people) said the most sensible thing: “He’s Ted Nugent. He’s going to say offensive things.”

  6. It weird how some individuals are offended by those who have the balls.To speak your mind and practice the use of freedom of speech. I mayn’t have the same views of Mr.Ted Nugent ,but I do respect his constitutional rights…For Rand Paul, Ted Cruz and Rick Perry to distance them self from Ted Nugent shows coward ness to defend our bill of rights.

    • I agree. These people are showing coward ness by distancing them self from Ted Nugent and free speech. And I bet some might even call Ted a subhuman mongrel. But that would be an insult to subhuman mongrels everywhere.

    • I have to draw the line at using retro racial hate speech in a political campaign of any kind. It’s irresponsible, insensitive and shows complete ignorance.

    • Lose the debate and critique their language and spelling? Another diversion from facts. Get real. The idiot babes on FOX are always mispronouncing some person, place or thing.

    • Thanks fer the s’port, fed up. I herd about them tee parteers a few yars ago, and they told me i dint need to no nothin’ and that this nugent guy was purty smart and he could cold track and tree a coon just like a coon dawg could and fer better i hear. and from what i ken tell, he sounds smart and stuff and he wears camo so he must be a god fearin man of god and believe that god will kill us all if we continue to s’port them mongrels in washington and the UN. So I learned from these boys that Obamacare in nazi stuff and I should only carry gold coins in me pockit and that bike lanes and marriage of them queers iz anti-amuricun and we should just put a boot in thar asses because they just ain’t like us.

  7. Make sure, in the interest of fair & balanced, not to cover either the condemnation of Nugent by prominent conservatives and conservative publications of Nugent’s latest, or his apology for use of the term.

    After all, the mainstream press is so busy slamming poor Obama for his unconstitutional actions, he needs a free booze and music weekly guide to stick up for him, since his core supporters are abandoning him and his signature legislation.

    • Damned straight, JustMe. Can’t stand that Muslim president who was born in Kenya and doesn’t realize that OUR American Christian God wrote that constitution and Tom DeLay said so so it must be true. And Ted Nugent said on radio the other day that Obamacare is the start of Nazi-ism and that health care reform is going to cause another Holocaust. How can people ignore that?

      • Damn straight, Eb! Them damn commanist, soshulist nigruhs is come to our doors and round us up and put us all on them traincars tuh go tuh the “Death To Whitey” labor camps! Better getchya’ a 4 x 4 monster truck and a bunch of rifles and head fer them hills!

        • Yee-hah to you too, GO. He is a communiss, and what’s worse he is in favor of the scourge of the Tea Party: Gay marriage and bike lane. That’s not only communissim, it’s immoral and anti-Jesus communissim. And I just go back to the NUGE. He rote these anti-communiss lyrics in “Wango Tango” and they explain all of life’s issues.

          When I need some lubrication – Baby!
          Kinda like, goes kinda like this
          You take her right ankle out
          You take her left ankle out
          You get her belly propped down
          You get her butt propped up
          Yeah lookin’ good now baby
          I think you’re in the right position now baby
          I’m gonna get a little talcum
          I’m gonna borrow it from Malcolm
          Yeah you look so good baby I’m startin to drool all over myself

          Now you know why Greg Abbott wants him on the campaign. Brilliant and clarevoyant!!!!!!!.

          • I have seen the light. I thought that “Beat On The Brat” by the Ramones was the epitome of rock lyric sophistication. But no……

          • I was impressed he rhymed talcum with Malcolm, and that’s probably the reason Greg Abbott keeps the NUGE around as his spokesman. A meaningless rhyme, but a rhyme nevertheless. Shit, he can rhyme and shoot guns and engage in all forms of stupidity. Can’t find many like that.

          • I assumed that he was referring to Malcolm Young of AC/DC. The two of them probably engaged in some sort of decadent groupie swapping sessions that he felt worthy of mention in his lyrics. Another couple of rungs up on the evolutionary scale ladder to be sure.

  8. Referring to Barack Obama as a “subhuman mongrel” is unacceptable racist hate speech regardless of political leanings or affiliation. Nugent has proven himself again and again as being an extreme right wing, gun toting mouthpiece for the less than moderate thinking members of the Republican party. By making ignorant, insensitive and offensive comments like the aforementioned remark, he is basically ingratiating himself with the pre civil rights legislation Jim Crow mindset of KKK members and other assorted intolerant white supremist morons who continue to publicly spout their ridiculous n-word jokes and preach distrust and contempt for anyone that doesn’t fit into their own particular narrow minded idyllic mold of being the ultimate American citizen. Perhaps someone should remind Nugent that this is indeed 2014, we have a black president that was elected and put into office by a majority of the voters and that we have indeed graduated beyond these types of comments being used in political campaigns. Nugent can continue to produce four chord, misogynist, “come and give me oral sex or I will bash your head in” rock tunes all he wants. I couldn’t care less. If I don’t want to listen to them, I can choose not to buy the recordings or turn the radio off. But, when you are a reasonably high profile musical celebrity publicly campaigning for someone that is attempting to become governor of Texas, comments like this are absolutely inexcusable.

  9. To Gregg, while everything you said is true, you’re kind of a buzz kill. We had a fun satirical set going there. Now it’s gone all serious again. Gee man why?

    • Maybe I should strap on a Gibson Byrdland, hook up six Fender Dual Showman amplifiers, come swinging across the stage on a vine wearing a loincloth and beat the microphone against my chest bemoaning all of that great (insert your city here) pussy that I missed out on while passed out in my hotel room.

  10. What I am getting from all of these comments is that neither Mr. Abbott nor Mr. Nugent have any knowledge of theology or geometry and their importance the intellectual curative powers of those as they are conjoined. I suspect that Nugent and Abbott are the result of a particularly weak conception on the part of their fathers. Their sperm was probably emitted in a rather offhand manner. But a firm rule must be imposed upon our nation before it destroys itself. The United States needs some theology and geometry, some taste and decency. With the breakdown of the medieval system, the gods of chaos, lunacy, and bad taste gained ascendancy. What I want is a good, strong monarchy with a tasteful and decent king who has some knowledge of theology and geometry and to cultivate a Rich Inner Life.

    • So, you would advocate a return to a form of feudalism, I take it? Count me in. As long as I can retain my rightful place in the royal hierarchy of the Orange throne. Bring the wenches and the ale. Allow the jesters to entertain us. Texas Republicans would then love to cater to people like me because I would support their silly political campaigns through my large contributions. Raise the drawbridge and fill the moat with crocogators. I have no use for these welfare peasants from the lower classes.

      • We allow the Tea Party people to entertain us as jesters. But only if they became eunuchs. And they would be overseen by pungent Eurasian existentialists, epileptic Buddhists, maddened Methuselahs, and be forced to partake from the verbose midst of a group therapy session.

    • Let’s close with the NUGE, and his genius in all matters great and small, as evidenced by these lyrics:

      “You ran the night that you left me
      You put me in my place
      I got you in a stranglehold, baby
      That night I crushed your face”

      That is so beautiful, so meaningful, and I can now see why Greg Abbott wants him on stage with him. Greg Abbott appears taller when sitting next to Ted.

      And remember, theology and geometry and their engaging mix are the key to happy den. Or so Ignatius Reilly tells us.