We used to give apples to teachers. Now we want to toss them Glocks. And some quick training on how to gun down assassins carrying assault weapons in the hallways.
The National Rifle Association is on board with the plan. More guns to sell!
Most Republican politicians and some Democrats like whatever the NRA pays them to like, so they’re on board. President Trump says we can pay “a bit of a bonus” to teachers who agree to double as paid killers in between teaching kids how to read and write.
What could go wrong?
A few of our old coaches who doubled as P.E. teachers could have been legitimately certified as sadomasochistic maniacs with homicidal tendencies. That’s the type who will be first to sign up for that bonus pay for packing heat.
We recall a few old teachers as being kind of pleasant but a little nutty. Which is a nice way of saying “batshit crazy.” You know, teachers like Jesse Randal Davidson, the social studies instructor at Dalton High School in Atlanta. He’s the popular teacher who had a breakdown last week and fired his handgun in his classroom for no apparent reason.
Two years earlier, police had confiscated three rifles from Davidson after he set the family car on fire at his home. You might think that would have been a warning. But warnings get overlooked sometimes. Kind of like the 40 or 50 times that police were dispatched to the home of Nikolas Cruz in the years prior to his killing 17 people at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School last month.
Texas teachers have joined the #ArmMeWith movement on social media to state their stance that they need better resources and smaller classes, not firearms. Among the teachers against guns in schools is Crowley High School science teacher Jim Schroeder.
“The Beatitudes say, ‘Blessed are the peacemakers,’ but I don’t think they mean a Colt 45,” Schroeder said. “As school teachers, we’re trying to develop rapport and trust.”
Fort Worth resident Claude Duffey Brown, a retired U.S. district attorney, former FBI special agent, NRA member, and avid gun owner, says allowing teachers to open-carry is not a smart idea.
“In the FBI, you could open carry,” he said. “But we were discouraged because it’s too easy for someone to take your gun. Teachers shouldn’t open carry because the danger is, if somebody sees your gun, somebody can grab it.”
Somebody grabbing for the gun might be a deranged killer. Or it might be the class clown looking for a laugh. Kids do dumb stuff like that sometimes. We’re just having trouble envisioning several teachers running into chaotic hallways filled with gunsmoke and blasting away at anyone seen carrying a weapon – or anything that resembles a weapon, you know, like a book, an umbrella, or a cellphone. Even an apple for teacher might look like a hand grenade in the heat of the moment.