Josh and the Jet Noise release their EP on Saturday at Lola's.

1) Just got this blast from the past while perusing Facebook’s events for this week’s list: Lola’s (2736 6th Ave) Thursday night bill is headlined by none other than Green Jellö, the comedy metal act best known for “Three Little Pigs,” a song that plays a prominent role in a memory I have set in a Spanish I class during my freshman year of high school in May of 1993. I won’t bother you with the whole story, but amusing details include a substitute teacher wearing a purple dress whom we (my friends and I, being 14 and 15 year-old shitheads) nicknamed Grimace, a kid named Michael Voges putting me in a chokehold, and me jabbing him in the leg with a mechanical pencil. My friend Evan had the Green Jellö CD and was telling me about the aforementioned single when Michael Voges decided to fuck with me, and what was funny is that we were quiet enough that Grimace either didn’t notice or didn’t care so long as we remained beneath some arbitrary decibel threshold. Anyway, the show at Lola’s is called the Green Jellö Punk Rock Puppet Show, and I assume it literally involves puppets, because that is precisely the kind of antic you’d expect from Green Jellö’s mastermind, a guy named Bill Manspeaker. If you’ve made it this far, do yourself a favor and check out Green Jellö’s CV page – the stats about his band’s sales figures are genuinely impressive, and they just go to show what a novelty hit can do for a person. The all-ages show is Thursday night at 8pm and cost $15. Here’s that “Three Little Pigs” video. Trust me when I say that in 1993, this thing was pretty much inescapable:

2) Also on Thursday night: Ronnie Heart, full band, at MASS (1002 S Main), and Gabriella Stella providing the entertainment for Heart’s monthly Poppin’ art vendor party – the art on sale presumably has Valentine’s Day themes, so if you want to buy something cute or funny or creepy for your significant other, this is the place to get it. Event is free, 21+, and the music starts at 10pm.


3) Hey, how about another Thursday night listing? Division Brewing (506 E Main, Arlingfun) has a heavy bill that starts at 8pm with C.I. and features Space Ape and TERMINUS, a proggy sludge metal band from Arkansas, who fittingly play at the end of the evening. If you do one thing with this list, let it be clicking on TERMINUS’ bandcamp page, because their logo is an excellent example of how to create a chrome effect in a font. I can’t wait to have time later to get out my markers and practice! Also, C.I. appears to stand for “Constant Irritation,” and that is a band name I find highly relatable. This video is a whole TERMINUS set:

4) Lola’s Saturday night show is headlined by a newish band called Josh and the Jet Noise, who are dropping their debut EP as well. Their set will be preceded by Mean Motor Scooter, The Prof Fuzz 63, and Bruce Magnus. All-ages, no ins/outs for under 18s, doors at 8, music at 9, cover’s $10, rock and/or roll. Here’s what Bruce Magnus looked and sounded like on September 8, 2018 at the Peppermill Lounge:

5) Also on Saturday: The Boiled Owl Tavern’s 7th Anniversary. This dive (located at 909 W Magnolia) has been my job and my home from the day it opened – Super Bowl Sunday 2012, incidentally – and I don’t have room to write about even a fraction of the memories I’ve made with the extended family I’ve gained while working there. Shit, I might tear up a little, and I’m at Starbucks and I’ve already done that once this week, so how about some show details instead? Annie Void starts the party at 9pm, followed by Trauma Ray, Dead Vinyl, and midnite riders Sub-Sahara. This bash is gonna bang hella hard with badass bands, casino games, cool giveaways – I’ve refrained from grabbing one of these Montucky hats because THEY’RE FOR THE CUSTOMERS, STEVE – and tite specials on Jameson drinks, because we go through a shitload of Jameson. Dress is “casino chic, whatever that means to you,” so if you wanna get dolled up like Sharon Stone in Casino or look like someone who goes to the Excaliber in Vegas (basically like a Juggalo on vacation), DO IT! In addition to my own casino chic, I will be wearing a smile.