When Rainforest Cafe opened, the author fondly remembers being in awe of the animatronics, the lights, the sound, the experience — the same she wanted for her young daughter.
Photo by Jennifer Zooki Sturges
Some experiences are best lived through the eyes of a child. That was exactly the goal when my family and I made our way to Grapevine’s Rainforest Cafe, one of only four of the popular animal-themed chain’s locations in Texas. I fondly remember when Rainforest opened. I was in awe of the animatronics, the lights, the sound, the experience. I was hoping for my daughter to have the same.
Despite bringing along a 4-year-old, we skipped reservations. The wait was a reasonable 20 minutes, which gave us time to peruse the gift shop. It included all the typical items: themed souvenirs, safari outfits, and names adorned on everything from keychains to coffee mugs. But we spent most of that time marveling at the crocodile at the front of the restaurant. Through my daughter’s eyes, I could see it was just as mystical and mildly unnerving.
When our table was ready, we made our way back into the seating area. When our server appeared, she confidently placed a business card, a piece of paper cut out by hand with a QR code and her name. She explained that if we gave her a five-star review online and mentioned her name, she would get better sections. This was no way to make a first impression.
We ordered cocktails, the Rainbow Colada (Captain Morgan Original Spiced Rum, strawberries, bananas, piña colada mix, pineapple juice) and Raspberry Rainfall (Tito’s Handmade Vodka, Island Oasis Raspberry, sweet and sour, pineapple juice, simple syrup), and began inspecting the menu. As predicted, the kids’ options were all things that my daughter would actually eat: dino nuggets, pizza, spaghetti — the easy stuff. She decided on pizza. I, on the other hand, went for one of the selections from their Rhythm of the Islands limited-time menu: the Jamaican Me Crazy Pepper Steak. My partner opted for the fish and chips.
The Jamaican Me Crazy pepper steak from the Rhythm of the Islands limited-time menu? A soggy mess. Courtesy Facebook
With our dinner selected, we eagerly anticipated the return of our server with our drinks, so we could make our order. We sat. We sat some more. The intermittent rainstorms came and went. The animatronic elephants trumpeted. Finally, cold cocktails in light-up mugs were placed on our table. Admittedly, they were delicious. However, I’m not entirely sure they actually contained alcohol. (On a side note, even though the online drink menu clearly states, “Buy the drink, keep the glass,” it was going to cost extra, so we passed on that.)
With our food order placed, I took my daughter to look at the fish in the multiple tanks around the restaurant. Except most tanks were empty and only held coral, which is not exciting to a preschooler. If you’re not familiar with the struggles of dining with a preschooler, I can assure you that the waiting is the worst part. Fortunately, the night sky scene with the occasional shooting star sufficed for quite some time. But it wasn’t long enough. Nothing was long enough. Because we waited close to 45 minutes for our food.
The author’s partner was equally unimpressed with his fish and chips. The tiger on the table looks to be of the same opinion. Courtesy Facebook
Our server, who came back only once, insisted that our order would be finished soon and that the delay was because “everything is made from scratch.” But my scratch cooking tastes nothing like theirs, and I’m not a professional. My sirloin was a soggy mess that had the texture of rubber. The flavors were OK, but the promised tricolor peppers, onions, and sweet plantains were undercooked. I satiated my growing need to eat by scarfing down all the accompanying Jasmine rice. But the true test of this experience was what my daughter thought.
Pepperoni pizza is her favorite food. She will eat everything from gourmet hand-tossed pies to discount-dinner leftovers. Excited to finally see her food, she took one bite and was done. It was well past normal dinner time, and she had complained about being hungry, so I took a bite of her order. The crust was undercooked to a concerning level, the pepperoni tasted waxy, and the cheese was flavorless and sparse. My partner was equally unimpressed with his fish and chips. The tiger on the table looked to be of the same opinion.
When we were finally done, we paid our tab and left quickly. We had spent well over an hour and a half deep in the rainforest sitting at our table impatiently waiting for our “five-star review” server. If you’re planning on taking a trip to Rainforest Cafe, you’ll have an experience, you’ll be served mediocre food, and it will all happen “after a while, crocodile.”
The author and her young daughter spent most of their short wait time marveling at the crocodile at the front of the restaurant. Through the girl’s eyes, the author could see it was just as mystical and mildly unnerving. Photo by Jennifer Zooki Sturges
