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Some folks use this rag for little more than seeing which bands are playing, which movie’s showing, or which big-breasted vixen wants to talk dirty and give body scrubs. But, apparently, some people read the articles too.

Just ask staff writer Jeff Prince, who wrote about being cited for jaywalking in Dallas almost eight years ago (“Circular Track,” Feb. 6, 2008) and how he continues to receive collection notices for fines he’s never been officially assessed and threats of arrest even though he’s never gotten his day in court. Within three days of the story’s publication, Prince received a notice to appear in court. The case has been set for “trial by judge” on Feb. 25. Wow, that’s got to be scary, seeing as how his story referred to Dallas County officials as “extortionists,” compared its justice of the peace court system to Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, and said a DART cop with “a short-man syndrome” was “cloned from Barney Fife.” Static just wanted to recap those sentiments before wishing Prince good luck in court. Oh yeah – the story also compared Dallas’ court system to “a scene from hell.” All righty then, go get ’em, Prince! Just don’t take a DART train to the courthouse. And remember, Martin Luther King did great work from a jail cell.

Best of Mike
Mayor Mike Moncrief gave his “state of the city” address last week, and most of it was the usual everything-is-wonderful routine. Still, there was one surprise – who knew what a comedian our mayor is? Static herewith provides a dramatic reading from the tranDELETE. Get ready to shoot milk out of your nose.

Curly's-rectangle 2

It wasn’t new developments or better roads that was the big deal last year – it was “Hannah Montana, of course!” And Mike’s take on the importance of Fort Worth drawing bigger conventions included a yuk about a meeting of doctors versus one of coaches: “The docs will spend money on wine, and the coaches will spend money on beer!” As for the accelerating rate of change in Cowtown, “Change is inevitable – except, of course, from vending machines!” As you can see, our chief exec loves an exclamation point. Also a good rimshot.

It gets better, especially if you are into transportation humor. To demonstrate how important a commuter rail system might be, he said that riding the trains will be “time when the only thing you have to worry about during the daily commute is falling asleep and drooling on your neighbor’s shoulder.” Oh, stop, it hurts to laugh this hard.
Maybe the best zinger was about how the city is emphasizing affordable housing for all economic groups. “It’s called inclusion, not exclusion!” he intoned. Static bets all those folks on the Section 8 and Fort Worth Housing Authority waiting lists got a big chortle out of that one. Does this guy know how to party, or what?

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