The nice but boring Kris “Monkey Boy” Allen stole American Idol from Adam Lambert last night; so why do I get the feeling the moral arbiters of our homophobic nation spent all this month’s tithing to buy votes for Allen — just to keep that mascara-sporting tart Lambert from being America’s representative?
Lambert, in fact, probably emptied his savings account and spent every penny he had to vote for Allen as well, to avoid being forced to sing “No Boundaries,” the song co-written by fourth-wheel judge Kara Diowhothefuckareyouagain.
I never thought anybody could vocally match Queen’s late frontman Freddy Mercury, but Lambert pulled it off. Here’s a thought: Lambert ought to hook up with the surviving Queen members and do an album of all new music, and then tour on the strength of those songs plus all the old hits. Then he can form his own band called Adam and the Apples and be the new generation’s glam god, ala Mercury, T-Rex, David Bowie, Elton John, etc.
As in life, Lambert will look back in a few years (minutes?) and realize losing was the best thing that could have happened to him, if only because he won’t be tied down to some corporate-stacked American Idol recording contract overseen by Clive Davis, the 173-year-old producer who’s convinced he’s the expert on what Gen-Yers want to listen to these days.