The nice but boring Kris “Monkey Boy” Allen stole American Idol from Adam Lambert last night; so why do I get the feeling the moral arbiters of our homophobic nation spent all this month’s tithing to buy votes for Allen — just to keep that mascara-sporting tart Lambert from being America’s representative?

Lambert, in fact, probably emptied his savings account and spent every penny he had to vote for Allen as well, to avoid being forced to sing “No Boundaries,” the song co-written by fourth-wheel judge Kara Diowhothefuckareyouagain.

I never thought anybody could vocally match Queen’s late frontman Freddy Mercury, but Lambert pulled it off. Here’s a thought: Lambert ought to hook up with the surviving Queen members and do an album of all new music, and then tour on the strength of those songs plus all the old hits. Then he can form his own band called Adam and the Apples and be the new generation’s glam god, ala Mercury, T-Rex, David Bowie, Elton John, etc.


As in life, Lambert will look back in a few years (minutes?) and realize losing was the best thing that could have happened to him, if only because he won’t be tied down to some corporate-stacked American Idol recording contract overseen by Clive Davis, the 173-year-old producer who’s convinced he’s the expert on what Gen-Yers want to listen to these days.


  1. First, Adam did not lose this contest it was stolen from him by an orchestrated voting agenda in Arkansas that allowed one person to vote as many as 45,000 times. Arkansas voters also used computers to bypass time zone limitations. The number of votes generated from Arkansas exceeded 38 million, when the population is less then 3 million. That does not include the votes that entered through other time zones. Adam will survive this he is in a class by himself. He will be an Icon, a major player in the worldwide entertainment arena and a voice for social justice. The person you have to worry about is Kris. He may very well become the most hated man in America when it sinks in that his fans robbed Adam of his win by cheating. Just the thought of him puts a bad taste in my mouth. How did Kris allow this to happen to his friend? American Idol has doomed its show forever!

  2. That guy that isn`t Adam will be forgotten in a few months. Stupidity and narrow-mindnes helped him win the title. I am sure Adam will succeed and will be World Idol pretty soon.

  3. Kris killed him in votes because they always say how close the vote was. Not this time. You could tell that the AI people wanted him to win but America did not. I am more upset about American idol being declared an upset! Chris = relevant. Adam = lame 80’s rocker. Have fun on Broadway Adam LAMEbert…

  4. I LOVED your article. I was so furious after last night’s announcement, although I expected that outcome . Your article put it into perspective, made me laugh, and I couldn’t agree with you more. I had just said to a friend that Freddy Mercury would be pleased so see Adam with his mates. Adam is truly unbelievably talented, insanely sexy and charismatic and I take much comfort in the fact that I will be able to see him for many years to come. For the record, I’m no tweener, I’m a grandma.

  5. Everyone that loves Adam deserved this loss. I was apalled at the blatant pushing of Adam to win by the American Idol judges and then Katy Perry’s lame attempt at promoting Adam by having his name on her cape during her number on finale week. With Kris winning it reminds me that the media is not all that it thinks it is and that American voters really won out this time. Go Kris!

  6. Debi: I agree that the judges, the media, Katy Perry, and many others were pushing for Adam to win, but it was only because he showed infinitely more talent than Kris. That’s no knock on Kris, who is certainly talented. But he didn’t fall to Earth from outer space like Adam did. The judges are supposed to tell America which performer they think stands above the rest and that’s what they did. But, as the show’s title infers, it’s America that gets to choose a winner. And America did. And, as usual, America screwed up.

  7. Jeff: So in your eyes the judges always get it right? Like with Fantasia, Taylor Hicks and Rubin Studdard. They picked them to win. They have had such great record careers. Also when Simon called it for David Archuleta until he actually saw the show back. If America listened to him then we would have a year of another Disney type artist. They don’t always get it right and that is OK. ADAM IS A GREAT SINGER!!!! I mean this, but he not relevant. If this were an audition to replace Sebastian Bach from Skid Row, he should win. Accept they fact that America got it right. Also like MK said why didn’t they disclose the vote? This makes me think it was a landslide.

  8. You’re right. Adam has bigger and better opportunities ahead of him. Adam has admitted his goal was to stay on the show as long as possible, not necessarily to win. He got what he wanted; a platform to show what he can do. Now the world is Adam Lamberts, a collaboration with Queen too, if he wants it.

    Yeah, I believe there was hanky panky with voting, but it turned out allright. No way could the winner of the show even be considered to front Queen. I’m not saying that is what Adam should do, just using it to illustrate that he has more opportunity without being saddled with the AI title.

    Adam Lambert is going to be the biggest star we’ve seen in some time. And I’m trilled!