The Dallas Cowboys and I suffered similar problems on Sunday – hangovers.

Mine came from a new idea I had regarding beer consumption. Seems that after a certain number of beers (say about 12 or 13), my taste buds go stale, beer tastes bland, and I get tired of drinking. So I performed an experiment on Saturday night. I bought two brands of beer – Bud Lite and regular Miller – and alternated between them all night. My taste buds stayed fresh and I enjoyed can after can of cold beer for many, many hours. Too many. I didn’t go to bed until sunrise. Sunday was a rough day for me.

The Cowboys were also suffering a hangover. Football hangovers occur when teams work their asses off to get to the top, reach their lofty goal — and then have a mental collapse.


The Cowboys won three games in a row before they went to Philadelphia last week and walloped the Eagles, taking over first place in the Eastern Conference. They were due a hangover.

Fortunately, the Eagles also tanked yesterday, meaning the Cowboys still own sole possession of first place. Our team will be fine.

Yesterday’s game against the Green Bay Packers started well enough. The Cowboys defense stuffed the Packers on their first possession, and then the Cowboys offense drove down the field. But Romo overthrew a wide-open Miles Austin, who would have easily scored a touchdown. Nick Folk missed a field goal and the curse was complete.

The Cowboys were off their game and remained that way for the next three hours.

Romo is finally getting smart when it comes to manly headwear. After two years of being criticized by anal, obsessive fans, he no longer wears his ballcap backward. If Romo likes his cap on backward, he should wear it that way. Judgmental, intrusive fans can butt the hell out of his business when it comes to how he wears a hat.

Yesterday, Romo pulled an end around. He wore a toboggan on the sidelines, which looks like a backward ballcap from the front, but doesn’t allow busybodies to get their panties in a wad.

What is wrong with a backward ballcap? Somebody explain. I don’t see the problem. Would you rather have your quarterback look like Tom Joad?

Jimbo, my football fanatic friend from East Texas, was a basket case during the game. Afterward, he had some nice things to say about the defense but he was down on wideout Roy Williams, who is beginning to resemble that other Roy Williams who used to play here. From now on Jerry Jones should avoid signing any player named Roy Williams.

Williams’ fumble after an important catch in the second quarter, and then a dropped pass later in the game, poured cold water on a Cowboys offense that desperately needed a spark.

“How much longer are we going to throw to Roy?” Jimbo demanded to know. “It’s one thing for him not to be on the same page as Tony Romo but it’s another thing to drop balls. Here’s a hard fought game and every play is important and he makes a mistake like that.”

Jimbo wants Patrick Crayton moved to No. 1 receiver, Miles Austin as No. 2, and Kevin Ogletree as No. 3.

Williams can tweezer splinters out of his ass on the bench for all Jimbo cares. “But that will never happen because Jerry Jones paid him too much money,” he said. “Jerry thought Roy wasn’t producing at a high level when he played for Detroit because they were such a bad team. But it looks like Roy just isn’t that good.”

I’m curious. Why do teams put numbers and names on their jerseys? If you have one, you don’t need the other.

The offensive line was pitiful, allowing Romo to be harassed all afternoon – even in between plays. After Williams fumbled his pass, Romo ran up to the pile of players to get a closer look and he was shoved backward and chest-butted by a big burly Packers lineman. Leonard Davis and other Cowboys lineman stood nearby and watched and did nothing while their quarterback was getting pushed around.

The offensive line shares blame for the dismal running game yesterday. But, c’mon, is it just me or is Felix Jones beginning to run like Felix Unger?

Five sacks, three turnovers, a missed field goal, several dropped passes, and one hangover from last week’s Philly miracle were too much for Romo and Co. to overcome, particularly when our No. 1 receiver has ten thumbs.

Bench The Bum Award — Williams.

Offensive Player Of The Game – none deserve it.

Defensive Player Of The Game – the entire defense played well but the award goes to linebacker Keith Brooking, who is emerging as a great leader and tackler. Coach Wade Phillips gets credit for nabbing Brooking on the free agent market.

Special Teams Player Of The Game – Punter Matt McBriar for running downfield after a punt, making a tackle, and forcing a fumble. The fumble was challenged and overturned, but it didn’t change the fact that McBriar was a beast on that play.

And speaking of beasts….

Separated At Birth Award – Packers linebacker Clay Matthews and this guy.


  1. You must have still been suffering that hangover when you wrote the comment about names and numbers. Names are on the jerseys so fans can recognize the players. Numbers are on there for the officials to know who is whom.
    I know you you know that. Just pulling your chain.

  2. Fans know the numbers of players. They don’t need player names written on the backs of the jerseys.

    When somebody tells me a number to remember, say an address, I think of players’ names. For instance, 1717 Cowpaddy Street, in my mind, becomes “Don Meredith-Don Meredith Cowpaddy St.”

    I realize there have been more recent Cowboys players with number 17, but I refuse to say Quincy Carter-Quincy Carter Cowpaddy St. In my mind, 17 will always be Meredith.

    Or, if I have a combination lock that is 74 to the left, 09 to the right, and 94 to the left, I would remember Bob Lilly left, Tony Romo right, and DeMarcus Ware left.

    Fans don’t need no stinking names on jerseys.

    So, in summary, Gorman you are insane.