I stopped at a Jack in the Box restaurant a few minutes ago and ordered dinner at the drive-thru, and the woman taking my order said, “Would you like to try one of our new bacon shakes?”

“God no, that sounds horrible.”

Lazy Moose Rectangle REVISED

“That’s what everybody says,” she said, laughing. “I’ve been trying to push these bacon shakes all day and nobody’s buying them.”

Maybe mankind isn’t doomed after all. If everyone started eating bacon shakes, our obese nation would probably explode.

A regular 16-ounce bacon shake contains an astounding 773 calories and 40 grams of fat.

I made what I considered to be a more healthy choice and ordered the breakfast platter with eggs, sausage, taters, and pancakes. What I really wanted were the stuffed jalapenos — I love ’em — but I figured they were unhealthy because they’re deep fried.

Upon returning to the office I looked up the Jack in the Box nutrition page and discovered that the stuffed jalapenos contain 511 calories and 29 grams of fat.

My breakfast platter contained 747 calories and 47 grams of fat.


  1. Anyone who doesn’t know by now that anything you get through the window of your car is largely fat, sugar, starch, and salt hasn’t been paying attention.
    Good grief.

  2. It’s called blissful ignorance, selective memory, ignoring the truth because doing otherwise means missing out on greasy, decadent foodstuffs that are passed through those sinful windows and deposited into my gullet.

  3. How in the world did you think 8 minipancakes, 5 FRIED hashbrown sticks, 1 SAUSAGE patty, and a side of eggs will be healthy?

    Thats hilarious to me. Eat their salads, they are good and grilled.

  4. Eggs, potatoes, and sausage seem like they’d be healthier than a bacon shake or seven deep-fried cheesy jalapeno poppers. So I was wrong. I’m no nutritionist. Kill me — although you’d better hurry as my arteries are currently beating you to the punch.