A gay tempest was unleashed in a Dallas teapot yesterday when the Dallas Voice, North Texas’s LGBT newspaper, posted a story about parade organizers and police enforcing a “no nudity” dress code for this Sunday’s Dallas pride parade. Declaring themselves foes of both buttocks and boners, the New Gay Puritan Enforcers have warned leather men and go-go boys alike to wear swimsuits instead of thongs/jocks. Some parade traditionalists are outraged, declaring the prohibition to be “sex-negative” and an example of creeping pressure to be “heteronormative,” i.e. “like straight people.”

Tarrant County’s pride parade is coming up October 5. In case you were wondering if Fort Worth celebrants will also be forced to wear corsets and petticoats, an event organizer told me it was “a non-issue” because parade applications already warn folks that nudity is verboten. And, as in years past, they will be asked to cover up or leave the parade if they violate the agreement.

“This is a historic year for gay people,” the organizer opined. “We can now get married in 13 states. We can file joint federal income taxes for the first time ever. And the newspaper headline is, ‘No nudity at the gay pride parade?’” Her words were followed by a long, “God, give me strength” sigh.


I’m inclined to agree with the Fort Worth organizer, if only because the word “heteronormative” gives me a headache. It implies that there’s such a thing as “homonormative,” and there’s not. LGBT people run the spectrum from ass-gyrating club dancers to overstarched, finger-wagging Republicans. And that’s as it should be. The urban gay ghetto is only one of many LGBT subcultures in America, and it’s far from the defining experience of gayness.

Here’s the equation: More social progress = more diversity in parade participation = a greater need for a common set of rules by which all people can reasonably participate. So put your pants on, guys. Your ass wasn’t nearly as toned as you thought, anyway.


  1. you can still dance to that awful lady gaga music in your overpriced andrew christian underwear made in chinese garment factories. this out-and-out proud homo prefers to stay at home. controvery in and of itself does not confer value, and calling anyone who disagrees with you a republican, puritan or a fascist has gotten boring. i vote to get rid of the nudity.

  2. Remember the saying by Santana: “Those who are ignorant of the past are condemned to repeat it.” In Nazi Germany during the 1930-40’s the media began polarizing and demonizing the Jews and any opponents of Adolf Hitler and his minyons. Eventually even the populace began to mimic this “hate speech” and belief and also began to likewise discriminate, persecute, and isolate the Jewish community. They went so far as to their wholesale genocide. Well, here we go again, the media right here in the good old USA has likewise begun to spout their “hate Speech.” This time it is directed against Tea Party members, Conservatives, Christians, and “Puritans”. The “Evil Puritan” article by the Ft Worth media is an excellent example of this same sort of “hate speech”‘, by demonizing and polarizing a group of people. As far as the “Parade” is concerned, public nudity is against the law and the Police and District Attorney have a duty and responsibility to enforce the law.

    • What utter nonsense. When it comes to hatespeech, racism and bigotry, the so-called Christians all across America have demonstrated their conservative hypocrisy and hate on continual basis.

      It is difficult to feel compassion for a huge group of hypocrites who profess ‘Christian love’ while demonstrating every filthy type of hate imaginable, be it homophobia, xenophobia or just plain old fashioned racial hatred.

      American Christians can bleat like a self-professed ‘Agnus Dei’ all they want, but they set the bar for hatred extremely high over the past two centuries.

  3. So, now being gay means being an exhibitionist? I wouldn’t want to see heterosexual men or women naked or dressed like this in a public outdoor parade. It’s not about being gay. It’s on a public street in a city. It isn’t private. It’s out there for everyone to see. You can still have fun in Speedos.

    • It’s not about being an exhibitionist. Assless-chaps are just functional clothing for me. It allows a cool breeze to keep me fresh down there, and makes it easier to go to the potty when I have to. And if I want to have sex with some man I never met out on the sidewalk while watching a parade, I don’t have to pull my pants down. We are just being practical men. And we’re glad the Tea Party supports us on this, because they agree that the govt. should stay out of personal business like wearing assless-chaps at a parade. (I saw pictures of Louie Gohmert and Michelle Bachmann both wearing assless chaps in Egypt recently while they were teaching those militant Muslim Brotherhood guys what real freedom really means).

  4. showing your body parts to the public doesn’t express your pride in your lifestyle, that is just being tacky. lets remember that children do come to the parade, lets show some decorum and class. you can show all the pride you want but keep the clothes on.

  5. Are these the same Puritans who have a problem with Redneck Heaven? How about if you don’t like a venue, don’t go to it, and if you don’t like an event, don’t attend? Bloody hell.

  6. I don’t care if your straight or gay, I don’t want to see your naked butt hanging out. I am speaking to men and women. Why are nudist beaches filled with so many unsightly people, just saying.

  7. “More social progress = more diversity in parade participation = a greater need for a common set of rules by which all people can reasonably participate.” To suppress all that nasty diversity? Nah, I don’t think so. The rule by which people can reasonaby participate is that we don’t oppress each other. If you don’t want to dress like a logo boy, there’s probably a banner for you to march under where there aren’t any gogo boys. That’s all you get, Ozzie.