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A PRE-GLASSES RICK PERRY, BACK WHEN HE WAS MORE INTERESTED IN LOOKING PRETTY THAN SMART (photo courtesy wikipedia)

They Won’t Let Me Slide!
All those people paying all that money to drive to downtown Fort Worth, scramble for a parking spot, and stand in line on a hot muggy day for hours, only to be told that the 2,000-foot mega slide was having technical problems. Tantrums were thrown, people suffered from heat exhaustion, sparrows cried, and life wasn’t fair for a day. Another playground lesson learned.

New Zealand Racer Gets Yee Haw-ish
A race was held at Texas Motor Speedway on Saturday. Cars reportedly went around in circles for a long time. And then a guy named Scott Dixon won. As you can tell, I’m not a racing fan. But I did enjoy this photo of Dixon standing in the winner’s podium wearing a cowboy hat and shooting pistols in the air.

Jerry Droning
Say what you will about Dallas Cowboys owner and general manager Jerry Jones, the man wants to win. The team is now using a drone and virtual reality to get a leg up on the competition. Eat it, other teams.

Gas-Pipe-Birthday-300x250

Police Officer Put On Leave
All the national news shows were airing the video of the McKinney police officer shown throwing a 14-year-old girl face down into the ground, and then pulling a gun on some boys. This just in: Police officers would collectively like to throttle the guy who invented cell phones with cameras.

New Face Of Nation
This Sunday marked the first time in more than two decades that Face the Nation didn’t feature the squinty-eyed charm and genial but tough questioning of Fort Worth homeboy Bob Schieffer, who retired. New host John Dickerson wasn’t bad on his first outing, although Variety characterized his debut as “tepid.”  That doesn’t sound good. (The dictionary defines tepid as unenthusiastic or lukewarm; thank you Marriam and Webster, wherever y’all are.)

Dickerson wasn’t bad, and he’ll get better. He’s not abrasive, thankfully. Who wants abrasiveness first thing Sunday morning? But he asks pointed questions, and, better yet, he allows people to answer. His interview with former Gov. Rick Perry was a good example. The first question Dickerson asked was why Perry thought he’d do better running for president in this time than he did four years ago. Perry cackled in a weird Dubya kind of way, and then began Perrying.

“We’re healthy and well prepared,” he said. “Spent a lot of time in Iowa and New Hampshire. South Carolina. That pays great dividends just in itself.”

(Thought: Perry seemed to be blaming his many “ooops moments” of the last campaign on health issues and/or medication. And he’s omitting pronouns in the same way as the Bushes.)

Dickerson questioned Perry for saying governors have a certain set of skills suited for being president, skills that senators don’t necessarily possess.

“Anybody can apply, but I think the facts are that governors do have that executive experience, particularly someone with 14 years of that executive experience,” Perry said. “No one gave me a handbook and said, ‘Here’s how you do Katrina and Rita and the hurricanes.’ Nobody said, ‘Here’s how you handle ebola, here’s how you handle a crisis on the border.”

(Thought:  Perry’s wearing his Poindexter glasses and talking faster than I’ve ever heard a Texan speak. That’s probably another product of the vast coaching and training he’s been doing. He’s supposed to be smart now. And everybody knows smart people talk fast and wear horn-rimmed glasses.)

Dickerson said senators might not agree with Perry’s assertion, and seemed to suggest that senators don’t think Perry is the brightest bulb in the kitchen.

“If you don’t understand the issues in your bones the way they think they do, you can be given option A and option B, and sure you can make a choice between the two, but you don’t even know if option C exists,” Dickerson said.

Perry seemed rattled. When rattled, his coaches surely told him, abandon all logic and attack Obama.

“Well I disagree with that analysis obviously,” Perry said. “We took a chance on a young, inexperienced United States senator back in 2008 and both economically and foreign policy wise most observers would say we find ourselves in a rather pickle, if you will. Our allies don’t even know whether they can trust America or not because of the lack of experience of this president and his inability to connect the dots. And so I think executive experience – you know, it’s really interesting to me that this business that we find ourselves in, the political side and governing, the only time you would discount experience – when you get on an airliner going to Chicago to London you want the most experienced pilot sitting in the front left seat. I think that should be the same for the next leader of the United States.”

(Thought: Did I suffer from a mass brain seizure and imagine that the economy and foreign policy were in a shambles eight years ago before Obama took office? And would our allies really feel more comfortable dealing with President Ooops?)

Dickerson took another subtle jab at Perry’s previous campaign failure by noting that the former governor has been reading and studying world issues lately. Dickerson wondered what’s the most important thing Perry had learned. Perry described spending time on foreign policy by talking to everybody from George Schultz to Henry Kissinger to the “Hoover Institute” (actually it’s Institution, Rick).

“That’s the type of experience you want to be able to tap into on a host of issues … you need to understand that all wisdom doesn’t emanate out of Washington, DC,” Perry said.

Americans see a rigged game where insiders get rich and the middle class pays the tab, Perry said. He recalled growing up the son of farmer in a house that didn’t have any running water.

“When we see these Wall Street bankers, when we look back at General Motors getting sweet treatment, if you will,” he said. “I believe in bankruptcy laws in the this country. There is nothing too big to fail for my perspective when it comes to banks or big corporate entities. Americans are fed up.”

(Thought: Perry got his legs back under him and finished the interview without getting too ooopsy. He focused on the chant his coaches taught him: I’m smart I’m good I’m smart I’m good I’m smart I’m good. And he spoke as fast as humanly possible, hoping a half-asleep journalist on Sunday morning wouldn’t dare try to transcribe his interview. Sorry, Perry, I don’t drink near as much as I used to, so I was awake and up to the challenge.)

After the commercial break, Dickerson spoke with four panelists. His opening conversation cracked me up. “Rick Perry, he’s hit the books, he’s got the glasses — what are his chances in life?”

The panelists were split on Perry’s future as a candidate.

(My thought: Perry is a stubborn, dim, opinionated, slimy Texas politician. It’s a recipe for success. Just ask Dubya.)

 

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