Cartoon of Hungry Businessman was angry and waiting food-Drawing Vector

By the time you read this, you’re hopefully on the verge of a tryptophan-induced power nap as another Cowboys three-and-out fails to keep your attention. On this national We Slaughtered the Natives with Blankets Day, the holiday meal probably isn’t the only tradition exhausting your already worn-out noggin. As seldom-seen relatives converge at the table, you’re no doubt tired of hearing a year’s worth of political tropes your racist aunts and uncles learned by rote from talk radio and unleashed on your dispirited family. 

The smart thing to do, you’ve more than likely assumed, is to just let them rant and hope it ends soon, like a wind-up toy that’s run out of juice. The more you resist, logic tells you, the longer and darker the diatribes will become. This year, try thinking long-term. If you shut down Uncle Jimbob’s bullshit now –– even if it means you’ll miss whatever generic C&W toad the Cowboys are trotting out for a halftime show –– you may never have to deal with political talk at dinner again. If you’re really lucky, your offending relatives who insist on whipping you with their bumper-sticker hackery may even mysteriously be out of town come Christmas. 

The best weapon you have at your disposal is your space phone. One Safari search can shut down a racist meme fast. Here’s one you can practice at home.


Uncle Jimbob: “These idiots are teaching school children that the Civil War was all about slavery. Anyone with a brain knows it was about state’s rights.”

You (looking down at your phone): “Gee, Uncle Jimbob, it says here that slavery was listed as a reason for seceding in every Confederate state’s Articles of Secession. Is that right?”

Your racist relatives know only what talk radio has brainwashed them to believe. Their arguments are hollow balloons that pop at the slightest prick of scrutiny. In this scenario, there’s no way Uncle Jimbob knew any contradicting facts, because the people propagating this kind of rancor conveniently omit those details. 

Maybe you’d like to take a more head-on approach in addressing holiday racism. Let’s try another one, but this time we’ll start with verifiable facts and then move on to a more abstract argument. 

Aunt Lori: “If we don’t finish this border wall, rapists and drug dealers will continue to pour into our country.” 

You: “The vast majority of drugs enter this country through legal ports of entry, and very few people crossing the border are criminals. That kind of broad, sweeping characterization is racist. The border wall is just another monument to white supremacy, entrenched in the ideology of dehumanization and brutality, Aunt Lori. It’s just a propaganda tool.”

You should anticipate that your racist relatives will use all manner of rhetorical whip-lash methods to drive the conversation back to territory that’s comfortable to them. They will undoubtedly employ an old Soviet rhetorical technique by saying, “What about the Clintons? What about voter fraud? What about no God in schools? What about whatever?” And be ready for phrases like “race card” or “race baiting.” You’ll be accused of swallowing the liberal media’s poison pill, being an unwitting puppet of George Soros (a racist trope in its own right), and falling victim to all manner of conspiracies echoed in the darkest corners of 8kun (formerly 8chan). 

Just keep arguing until someone, probably the family matron, shuts down the discussion and insists you stop talking about politics. The most important thing to remember is this: Stay calm and keep eating. Your racist relatives will be overcome with red-faced rage as you poke holes in their worldview. You’re not going to change their minds. That’s not the goal here. All you have to do is make things so uncomfortable, you never have to hear their dumb racist bullshit ever again. 


  1. I love these; “Hey lets throw the race card at ALL people”…..does wonders for finding out why people mistrust each other. These kinds of stories do much harm to everyday, people who are clueless to the truth. Some people need to be told what to think, racism is nothing new, trying to make it a new thing is lying to the public. I particularly like the “Poison Blanket Day” for the Native Indians, how to control a tribe of savages day, shows real class on racism, how to deplete a people to annihilation, in half a generation 101. Then invent a holiday to cover that fact up. That’s the American way. American’s and these people who control the narrative need to come forward as a nation, and expose its own unscrupulous action of the past, make amends to them, and work together with the Natives inclusively in our power structure, perhaps with a, United States Indian Senate. That would be a start and a direction in the right direction. But chaos isn’t the answer, these not so well written diatribes just add fuel to a unjust fire. Its time America help the Native Indians join into the New World USA Governance, to perhaps save us from the thousand points of light President Bush Sr. spoke of, the New World Order of the most powerful Nations, mostly of Europe. We need to further strengthen our diversity, and allow those who were down trodden, a place in the governance of this continent. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and started the Republicans, I want to free the Indians and have them start their own Party, (Call it what they will), and have a duel government, the USA government, and the Indian government intertwined together with the Indians with there own congress and senate. In all things fair and just this is it. Throw out the race card, we need to move above that. Work together for the common good. It is time, these petty race card stories on local news papers are killing this nation. Give it an ear and understand.
    Signed: James G. Clark