There I sat at a full table at a busy restaurant, where no one was speaking a language I knew. There was a turntable of foreign foods in the center, each more daunting than the last. My legs were shaking. I was getting the parent test. I’d met his parents before, but I hadn’t been tested. See, my partner is a first-generation Asian American. His parents are Taiwanese and Cantonese and came to the United States via Canada. And this was my authentic-Asian food challenge.
My relationship is beautiful. Growing out of a mutual love for locals, it has blossomed into a lifetime love that’s silly but sincere, full of adventure and appreciation for each other’s strengths and weaknesses.
At times, we could not be more the same. At others, we could not be more different.
As I looked at the chicken feet on the table, I made a reference to his father about my mother eating Southern foods, which included critters, but we both realized that was far removed from any experience I had known.
An experience I do know is that knowledge is power, so I have challenged myself to lean into the moments when we seem completely at odds and ask simply: Why? See, the cultures our parents instilled in us couldn’t be any more different. Ultimately, we are products of our environments.
His mother was from Taiwan. She stayed at home and was adamant about him participating in extracurricular activities and finishing homework. Violin, piano, Asian school. Church. One might dare say Carson was raised by a Tiger Mom. Structure and traditional Asian values were taught and expected. They were living one flavor of the American dream.
My family is a different flavor. My parents had gone from lower to middle class. My mother was a school teacher, and while education was important, it was always fun. Today, I try to instill that in my daughter through reading and even wholesome TV like Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, which is based off the Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood of my childhood.
And now we are creating a modern-day version of the American dream. A truly blended family. My daughter Latina, myself a Texan, and my partner Asian. In this space, I try to find a harmonious balance between the two childhoods we both experienced into what I like to call “Daniel Tiger Mom.” — Jennifer Zooki Sturges
Jennifer Zooki Sturges is a feminist activist and musician producing festivals and playing shows across North Texas.
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