Welp, that sucked. After all the excitement and all the hype that fools like me have been fluffing all offseason, the “new look” Cowboys defense walked into Met Life Stadium on Sunday in their season-opening matchup against the lowly New York Giants — against whom Dallas boasted a 10-1 all-time record in season-opening games — only to reveal before a national TV audience that their new look appears strikingly just like the old one. It was like removing a Michael Myers mask to uncover the face of Pennywise underneath. The Giants would find the end zone on four of their seven possessions, dominating the Cowboys by a score that doesn’t really tell the tale at 28-20.
As is typical, it wasn’t just the loss that stings so much but the manner in which they lost. We should have expected some growing pains with a first-year playcaller in Christian Parker, but each of the demons that plagued the historically bad Matt Eberflus-led squad a year ago seemed to magically reappear on Sunday. This, despite overturning half of the defensive roster since January. Porous run defense, receivers running wide open, confused out-of-position players, overrun plays, poor tackling, bad penalties, an injury to DeMarvion Overshown — they all made an appearance. Behind first-round rookie right guard Frances Mauigoa and a right guard-sized fullback in Patrick Rickard, Giants psychopathic running back Cam Skattebo trucked the Cowboys’ retooled beefy defensive interior all over the field. Free agent tight end Isaiah Likely was able to do whatever he wanted, scoring two touchdowns, and second-year signal caller Jaxon Dart performed his best Josh Allen cosplay by completing nearly 80% of his passes for 230 yards and three touchdowns, adding 54 yards with his legs and a career-high 134.2 passer rating. Perhaps the best skill the Cowboys defense possesses is allowing mediocre quarterbacks career-best performances against them.
Along with the living-dead return of the horrible defense, the other side of the ball showed flashes of past sins as well. Quarterback Dak Prescott once again fell prey to trying to play hero when his crappy defense puts him in a hole, flinging a YOLO ball under pressure that was picked off, leading to the go-ahead TD for the Giants just before the half. The much-lauded receiving corps dropped no fewer than four passes, and a boneheaded taunting penalty by Javonte Williams as he walked into the end zone for his second touchdown on the night resulted in a missed extra point kick.
The NFL offseason is long — longer if your favorite team stinks and misses an invite to the postseason dance. You endure that lengthy void, and in just a matter of hours, a full nine months of building anticipation suddenly disappears like a fart in a hurricane.
The pain is compounded by the one thing that, in this writer’s humble opinion, makes American football the greatest sport in the world. That is not the otherworldly athleticism or the precision skills required to play it at the highest levels. All other professional leagues possess these qualities to a greater or lesser extent. Nor is it the violence or physicality, which, though some other sports have an element of, there’s no argument the gridiron gladiators take it to the absolute limit. No. It’s not even a direct attribute of the game itself but in an aspect of the sport that the above qualities necessitate. In short, it’s the stakes.
Because you have giant dudes putting themselves through veritable automobile collisions for three hours straight, you couldn’t possibly try to play more than one game a week. As a result, a full five-month-long season has fewer games than an NBA team has in a single month. That makes every game mean so much more than it does in other sports. A single NFL game carries double the weight of an MLS soccer match. Or has as much impact on a team’s record as five NBA games do. This naturally elicits a proportionally exponential emotional reaction to every glorious victory and every heartbreaking defeat. Your whole life hangs on every single down. Happiness is a week-to-week proposition.
Thankfully, the Cowboys weren’t the only hyped-up team to lay an egg over the NFL’s opening week. The Chargers, Rams, Packers, and Broncos all also got embarrassed. Their fans no doubt feel in as deep a hole as the Silver and Blue faithful do. But for each of them, the Cowboys included, there’s plenty of time to rerack and turn it around. After all, it’s only one game. Or roughly 12 Rangers games. How much could it mean?
