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Last Call

The Keys to Happiness

Last Call
Next week, May rolls around, and — barring any surprise climactic horror — the heat will come with it. I mention this because, as I’ve gone about town over the past couple weeks, I’ve noticed a ton of bar patios rolling...


Mind Erasers

Last Call
Well, it’s the third week of April. As everyone who’s ever been a teenager knows, the 20th of April is written numerically as “4/20” and, as a result, is the unofficial official marijuana holiday, with the time 4:20 (a....



Ghostly

Last Call
A couple weeks ago, I wrote about dead Mondays, and in doing so I caught some flak for what was perceived as a slight against VIP’s (“RIPs,” March 24). See, I went there on a Monday, and the place was empty except for som...


Nose — and Bottoms — Up

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Once upon a time, I had amusingly fanciful aspirations of becoming a homebrewer. I bought Homebrewing for Dummies and read about hops and yeast and dunkels and IPAs and formed opinions about what was good and what was garbage, ...



Wine Times Ten

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My friend Mike told me they’re making wine in Alpine now. “Alpine, Texas?” I asked. Really? Because although I’ve never been there I think I know a few things about the place: It’s near where Giant was filmed. It’s ...


RIPs

Last Call
The other night, I stopped into VIP Lounge on White Settlement Road for a beer. Being a Monday and all, the place was pretty dead. I ended up staring at a muted episode of CSI: New York, wondering if the Greek chick would ever ...



St. Elsewhere?

Last Call
For the sake of some jokes, I spent half the morning trying to think up reasons why I don’t like St. Patrick’s Day or, as I like to call it, 24 to 96 Hours of Blarney Baloney. Truth is, I couldn’t think of any good ones, ...


St. Stephen’s Day Any Day

Last Call
My friend Emily is possibly the funniest woman in the world. At least, in my world. And she is brilliant at organizing boozy get-togethers. Late last year, she organized a St. Stephen’s Day Party. Not being familiar with sain...



Southern Comfort

Last Call
It may not be explicitly part of the job description, but part of a bartender’s duties includes lending an ear to every stereotypical and vocal sad-sack. Which is fine for the most part, for the following reason: Whenever you...


Woody’s Bar Olympics

Last Call
I don’t know how it happened, but at some point last year, I started getting issues of Maxim in the mail. I swear I didn’t ask for them. I think the articles are stupid, and if I ever need to find out what a given s...