Fort Worth Mayor Mike Moncrief gave his State of the City Address this week, and predictably everything is fairly wunnerful in Cowtown. He sucked up to the TCU football program, talked about job growth and better roads all the clean water we can drink. Nothing unusual in all that political blather. But we did find some rather odd comments. So, let’s get inside that mind of Mayor Mikey.

“You do know … the state of our city is purple.” ( I thought it was green, based on the amount of money the gas companies are making).

“Just because someone puts Tabasco on our oatmeal doesn’t mean we have to eat it.” (But if gas companies load our drinking water with fraccing chemicals, we do have to drink it.)


“The mobility crisis of North Texas is no midnight hallucination after a bad burrito.” (I was thinking more along the lines that a bad burrito had more of a gas than acid component.)

“I submit that further delays are as dangerous as licking a steak knife. Got that visual?” (So he thinks about licking steak knives and eating bad burritos late at night. I don’t get that visual.)